Selfish Wish

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Multimedia: Kian Nai Jai Raung Nai Pleng (Written in My Heart, Sung in a Song) - Da Endorphine (2017)
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I know that our meeting is not a coincidence. It is something that will eventually happen. But sometimes, I regret why we didn't meet sooner, why he met her first, and why they meet again as a co-worker.

At first, I didn't really care about this p'New cz p'Tom never talk about her in front of me. But, I felt this strange feeling last month when we met her in Hua Hin cz of work.

When that happen, p'Tom still take care of me as usual, but his smile for that woman was a bit different from the one he used to give me.

That meeting last for a few minutes. I asked him about her and he said casually that they had work together in the past. So, I didn't really think much about it. But this time, I can't think of anything except "Why she have to be here?".

P'Tom ever said that p'New likes to travel and even have her own YT channel. Then why she is here and doing some modelling work with P'Tommy?

"P' ...."

"What's wrong? Are you thirsty? Wait a bit, I'll get you some beverage." P'Tom gently lean his body forward, trying to reach a glass of iced coffee on the table in front of the sofa.

"P', do you still like her?" Before he could reach the beverage, the question slip out off my mouth. It's not easy for me to ask this, but my chest feels so heavy as if I had a big stone inside. I think asking him will make my heart feels lighter, but in reality, it make me feels worse. My head become so messy and I feel like I don't know myself anymore.

P'Tom give me a sweet smile without particular answer. And this make me even more uneasy.

"She is nine years older than you, P. Why not choose a younger one."

"Nong, I need to continue my work. Sleep here while you wait for me, okay?" While trying to change the topic, his hand reach some pillow for me. He may be try so hard to hide his embarrassed face, but I can see it clearly. It's the clearest answer that he give to me without even realize.

Why am I being like this? I don't want him to go to that woman.

In my messed up state, I can't stand the urge to hug him. I reach his tiny figure and pull him to my embrace in an instant. Right now, I just want to follow my heart by hugging him tight, try to keep him for myself for a bit longer.

"Why Jimmy? Are you feel uncomfortable?" His tone was so full of worry. Even without looking, I know that worry was all over his face right now. Thinking about this, I can't help but feel happy.

I shake my head. "No, P'. I just wanna be with you. Let me hug you like this for a while, please. If possible, let me stay like this longer."

His small hand ruffling my hair gently, followed by his little giggle. "Do you feel lonely? Wait for a while na. The break almost end and I still have a bit work to do. Sleep here na, Tofu?"

I know that he must go to do his work, but I can't help to give him a pouty face.

"Wait patiently na. I promise it won't last long. When my work is done, I will rush here to you right away then we will go somewhere together to eat."

We always spend our time together. But I dont know why this time it feels different---even more special than usual.

"Promise?"

"I promise." He scratch my chin then smile. "Sleep here, okay? I don't want you to feel restless when we're going out."

"Uhm."

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