There Is No Coincidences in Life

Run Away

In p'Zee's place, I lay comfortably on the couch while my fingers keep moving to press the button on my smartphone.

Yes, I am playing game right now. It's not a new thing for me and I usually do it for fun. But this time, I do it to distract myself from thinking about p'Tom and his lover. No wonder I easily feel bored and don't feel happy at all when I do so.

I hate this situation.

I really hate it, but this is the only thing that I can do right now.

Since that day where our dinner appointment end up with a mess, I am trying to keep myself occupied. Either with work or other activity---mostly playing games.

I am trying to make myself more independent and I wish I can stand with my own feet even without p'Tom. But it's easier said than done. The prove is my mind will think about him automatically when I am tired, eventhough just for a few seconds.

Since that day, he always try to call or message me, but I ignore him cz I can't bring myself to face him with this kind of feeling. I don't want to make things harder for myself or for him. But the worst part is I can't let him go either accept p'New as his lover.

Yes, I can't accept it. So, I run away and avoid him.

Rrrrrrr ....

A vibration followed by ringtone from p'Zee's private phone distract me. Someone is trying to call him. Unfortunately, he is taking a bath right now. So, the call was being abandoned until it back to silent state.

A minute passed and the phone is ringing again. It's kinda disturbing, but when I think about it, I can't help but wonder.

It could be an important call right?

The thought of it being an important call make me stop my activity to peek at p'Zee's phone. Little did I know that it's not neccessary cz I'll regret it if I do so.

Yes, that call comes from p'Tom.

Trying to ignore the call, I walk away back to my former position---laying on the couch. Trying to ignore it no matter how many times the phone ring.

I put earphone in my ears, trying to continue playing. But my consciousness make me can't help but lower the volume.

I hear the 4th call coming and it make me anxious even more. I peek at it's direction, then looking at the clock.

It's 09.10 AM, the usual time for p'Tom to come to my condo in the morning. But, I decided to pretend that I didn't hear anything even when p'Zee comes out from the bathroom.

"Did someone call? Who?" Walking towards the table, his right hand trying to dry the hair with towel. Meanwhile, I shut my mouth, pretend that I didn't hear him.

"Hello?"

I am playing the game, but my ears are ready to hear some of their conversation.

"You still can't find him in his condo? He is not here either."

(...)

"Okay, when I see him, I will make sure Jimmy know that his most beloved brother missing him a lot."

In a minute, p'Zee cut the line and approach me in the next second.

"Nong."

" ... "

"Nong, we need to talk." He pat my shoulder.

"Yes, p'?"

"Finish the game first, so we can talk comfortably."

Without saying anything, I nod slowly. As soon as I finish the game, I switch my attention to him.

"What do you want to talk, p'?"

"Nong, you ... actually you know the one who call me, right?" P'Zee see me with his usual expression, but I can't seem to get away from his dark, deep eyes. It feels as if he knew everything that I try to keep as a secret.

"W-who?" Stuttering, I switch my gaze to another place, trying to avoid his eyes.

"You are a bad liar, Nong." He chuckles. "You know who I mean, so it's pointless to pretend that you don't know. You've been run away all this time. Didn't you get tired?"

His words pierced my heart.

I know, P. But I am not ready to face him. It hurts, but I am scared with his reaction. I don't want him to drive away from me more than this.

"What do you mean run away? I didn't do it." Giggling, I am trying to put a strong front while avoiding his eyes. He is pretty sharp, and we are quite close. I don't want him to know everything that I keep in my mind.

" ... "

For a few seconds, p'Zee didn't say anything. Not even a word. And just like that, silence keep growing between us.

With the corner of my eyes, I look at him. I know that my gesture will make him aware about something, but I still do it. Maybe cz deep down in my heart, I am tired for always running away, hoping that he can bring me to p'Tom, the one who I miss a lot, the one who I wish to meet every single seconds all this time.

A heavy sigh comes from my side. From p'Zee. Maybe he feel fed up with me for always avoiding problem instead of solving it.

"You know, Nong. You tend to face problem and solve it with a clear mind. But, this time, I don't know what happen for you to make this decision. You keep running away, but to make it worse, you refuse to talk about it with me. He care for you, Nong. A lot. And you know it. Imagine how anxious he will be if you keep doing this."

I know, P. I know.

"If you're not ready to talk right now, I won't force you. But, I am begging you, stop avoid him cz it might hurt him even more."

P'Zee pat my head, then turning away, leaving me alone.

"P'!" I open my mouth, trying to spill the words at the tip of my tongue. Yet, it feels so hard and my chest feels so tight. "I'll tell you."

" ... "

" ... "

"Okay, I am all ears." P'Zee immediately sit beside me. Meanwhile, I start telling him everything that happens between me and p'Tom. Including my feeling when I saw p'Tom together with his lover.

"It's strange, right? This jealousy, it grow bigger day by day and it's already out of control. If I stay near them, I will only bother them. So, I am trying to make some distance. I know that he may miss me, but it's better for the three of us.

P'Zee sighed. "Okay, it's your right to keep some distance, but let me tell you some advice. First, feeling jealous over someone is normal. It's not strange at all. Especially when it comes to someone who really close to you. So, it's okay to be jealous over his lover.

"Second, your decision to make some distance might be good cz maybe you just need some time to accept the fact that Tommy has a lover now. But, it doesn't mean that keeping a distance is the best option since you avoid him without giving him an explanation.

"I think telling him about what you feel is the best solution to clear the misunderstanding."

I listening to him in silent. What he said may be right, but ....

"What if this make him hate me instead of clearing our problem? I can't accept his lover and even want to keep him for myself. What if he hate me cz of this?"

"It will never happen. Trust me." Deep down in my heart, I doubt his words. Yet, the depth of his eyes ensure me that everything will be okay.

"Are you sure? What if--"

"It will never happen. He hold you dearly in his heart. Just your existence alone make him happy. So, what you worried about will never happen."

" ... "

"If you feel unsure or even afraid, how about meeting him with me?"

I take a deep breath. The feeling of suffocation inside my chest is still there, but much more lighter. As if he know that I have a hard time, p'Zee pat my head.

"It will be okay." He smile. Looks like I really can't run away this time.

Once again, I take a deep breath. Then, while looking at his eyes, I give him a resolute answer. "Then, I'll depend on you."