-I Had A Dream-

Chapter 4: Sophie & Ruby

Fernando had avoided Ruby after breakfast. Whenever she tried to summon up her courage and talk to him, he escaped her. She knew he did this because she had hurt him. She still wasn't sure how to handle the whole situation. She wished dearly to someone she could tell about what was really going on at home. But she couldn't. She had already caused too much trouble to her family to talk about such a thing now. She couldn't blame Tanya and Rosie either for the fact that they couldn't stand her. After all, she had abandoned Donna, her only daughter, all her pride. And only Ruby herself knew that she had only done this to protect Donna.
While she was still sitting in a chair at the table, everyone else going about their daily life, tears came to her as she thought about Donna. She closed her eyes for a while to hold back the tears. Ruby hated life for being so punished for her relationship with Donna, even though she would have done anything for her little girl. Now she wanted to do everything to at least stand by Sophie and the baby. While she was still thinking about it, steps approached and Sophie's voice rang out.
Grandma, here you are. So alone ?
Ruby looked at her. Sophie smiled. Everything about her reminded her of Donna. Her granddaughter sat down next to her. Her cheerful demeanor infected Ruby a little.
Why don't you come to us ? I would be happy if you were with us.
Ruby smiled a little and put her hand on Sophie's.
I appreciate very much. I thank you my heart. But...unfortunately I am not as desired by everyone as I am by you. I don't blame them for that either,
she added quickly when she saw Sophie's look. There was silence for a while before Ruby heard Sophie sigh.
They still think about her.
About whom ?
Mom.
Ruby fell silent and stroked Sophie's hand again.
I do too. It's hard for me to talk about it...but I miss her. I really loved her.
Sophie looked at her, Ruby could see the questioning look in her eyes.
Will I ever find out what happened between you and Mom ?
Ruby looked away, over to the sea.
Maybe someday. But not now. I can't talk about it.
She wiped a tear from her cheek that she wanted to hide from Sophie. Sophie looked at her for a while.
Why don't you talk to Mr Cienfuegos ? I know it must be difficult for him...but...somehow you can definitely sort it out. I mean...do you really want to go ? I've seen how much you love each other. Whatever happened between the two of you, he loves you more than anything. He's talked about you so many times, and I've never seen him so happy as the day you two came down the stairs.
Ruby sighed and looked at Sophie. She eyed her for a while, taking in Sophie's picture as if she would never see her granddaughter again. And fear spread inside her, fear of having to abandon Sophie again. In all her thoughts she had almost forgotten to answer.
I can't talk to him. I don't even want to. Besides, he wouldn't understand anyway...he knows far too little about me for that. Well...he doesn't really know anything.
Ruby sighed softly, feeling how Sophie's fingers wrapped comfortably around her own.
It's getting better, believe me. I think you just need more time.
Ruby laughed inwardly. If time was all she needed, then she would have told everything that was going on at home in America. But no one would ever want to talk to her again if they knew what Ruby had done and sometimes still did in her life. It was like a wall built brick by brick around Ruby, impossible to get in or out. And there was still a stone roof so that no ray of light could penetrate that could have saved Ruby.
However, she wanted to prevent Sophie from asking further about it. Instead, she sat on one side and looked at her granddaughter.
But I promise you...I'll try to be there for you. No matter what happens, I'll do my best. I don't want to miss my great-grandchild too.
It took a lot of strength for her to say this because she didn't even know if she could ever come back here. However, she did not want to disappoint Sophie a second time because even though she had missed so much in her granddaughter's life, she loved her family. Ruby eyed Sophie, it reminded her of when Donna was a child. She had often sat with her like that, just mother and daughter. Donna asked her all kinds of questions, things that Ruby had been surprised a little girl could ask questions about. Donna had told her about the typical childish ideas of her later life. She wanted to be a princess one day. Ruby had only smiled back then, she had loved these conversations more than anything. But one sentence always stayed in her heart:
I want to be like you, Mommy.
Ruby had to smile a little because she almost cried when Donna said this. It had been the greatest gift Donna had ever unwittingly given her. But now, looking back on her life, she was glad Donna hadn't seen much of it. At least this catastrophe she had kept out of her beloved daughters life.
Ruby looked back at the ocean and leaned her head on Sophie's as she petted through her hair. She was happy about to be here right now, trying to at least enjoy this time the way she really wanted to.