The Fire in Our Souls

The Dance Floor

After we all finish our food, the waitress picks up all of the plates and puts the check down on the table. "Whenever you're ready." One of the guys grabs it before any of us have time to process and slides his card on it. We pile out of the diner and the boys head to the car. "Can we give you a ride?" I shake my head, it's close enough to walk and I wouldn't want anyone else finding out I currently live out of a motel. "Nah we're good, our place is close!" Liz pipes up and says anything before my brain has time to react. We watch them drive off and head towards the motel. "So, when are you going to move out of the motel?" Luke asks as I focus on kicking a pebble while we walk. "Not sure, the places around here are expensive. Plus you AND Liz are struggling to find a place." I unlock the door to my room, Casper jumps up and runs, purring at our ankles. "Hey little guy." Liz picks him up, he nudges into her neck. "Who's this?" She asks, plopping on the bed. "That's Casper. He was a stray that hung out around here and he was injured so I took him in." 

"So sweet! He's such a cutie!" She swoons. I roll up a joint for us and sit on the bed leaning against the headboard. Casper jumps right out of her arms onto the side of my lap, snuggling against my leg. "So, tell me what happened?" I take a puff and pass it to Luke. "Okay, well, we were in the closet..." 

Liz:

"Andy, I can't talk to you, enough is enough." I push away from him, heading to the door. What's the point of any of this? I'm still completely broken from what he did. I had a crush on him for years before I even met him, and once I did I just knew there was something. "Just listen to me! I need to explain something and you need to keep it between us." His face is no longer soft and begging. I can see the anger and hurt in his eyes. He holds my hands in his, "I promise. Just don't waste my time." I move over and sit on a couch on the wall. This is the old break room but since Uncle Dave added the extension, it's just a storage closet. He sits, taking a deep breath and gathers himself.

"I need you to know that I had every intention of texting and calling and keeping in touch. I really did, I swear. But there was a lot that happened soon after we left for tour and I just couldn't keep up with everything. I swear, there wasn't someone else and I didn't just ghost you like you think I did." I nod, shuffling in the seat as I see how hard and uncomfortable he is. "It was about Collin. Soon after we left, his mom died. She was an addict and she finally took too much. She ended up in the ER in Philly so we flew there from Vegas right away and he had to look at her. After that, he took off. We didn't hear from him for two days, we looked everywhere but he turned his phone off and didn't contact us. Finally, one night I got a phone call at 2 am from a payphone. Collin was somewhere in Philly and when we picked him up, he was completely trashed, covered in bruises, hadn't showered in two days. We got him back to the hotel and put him in the shower and into bed. He woke up the next morning like nothing had happened. We were so fucking scared he was dead. He just ran off, and he hasn't done that in a long time. Not since his mom's first overdose, she had done it a few times before then but this final time, they couldn't save her. His dad was over in Ireland dealing with some business stuff with his brother so they couldn't get back. He had to identify her and everything Liz. He was so broken, I thought we'd lost him for good." 

I can see him holding back tears, he sniffles them back and continues. 

"So we continue on the tour but I know something was still bothering him about the whole thing. Finally one night after a show before we were coming back, we sat him down in the wagon and asked him what happened. I guess seeing her brought stuff back from when he was in high school. He was kind of a bad ass but not in a good way. He partied a lot, drank a lot, even did a bunch of drugs. The band got him out of it, it gave him an outlet to put all his energy and emotions and that just tipped him over the edge. He went out that night and went on a total bender. We couldn't stop him, we couldn't save him. I'm scared that the next time that happens, we'll lose him too.."