blue gasoline ✿ nomin

i'llfindyou (bonus)

Jaemin breathed in the air of Seoul...the air that had become foreign to him after he moved away for university. Even though he had just gone to Busan, it felt as if he were entering a whole other dimension when he finally came to visit after two years.

He had thought about running away to some random country when he finally graduated, but at the last minute, he decided it might be best to just stay somewhere in Korea. Deep down, he knew it was simply so he wouldn't be a thousand miles away from Jeno, but he told himself it was just to stay connected to his roots without being tied down in Seoul.

Honestly, he hated Seoul.

There were too many memories there that made him feel suffocated—hence why he had maintained his distance over the past two years. However, it was nearing Christmas, and his Gram's age was beginning to take a toll on her. She could've traveled to Busan to see him as she had been doing, but he would have felt terrible if he made her do that. So, here he was, clambering out of his Porsche in the driveway he swore he'd never be in again.

He sighed as memories flashed through his mind—some of them involving Jeno, some of them not. It was a reminder of just how far he had progressed after he got away from all of this. Two years ago, these memories would've made him so unbearably sad that he would've already been on the floor sobbing. But that was a different Jaemin.

Now, the only memories out of the flood he enjoyed were the ones he had of Jeno and Dasom. He missed them both dearly, but that longing didn't constrict him anymore.

He strolled past the maids and butlers, most of which gawked at him due to his prolonged absence, and smiled lightly at them. The ones that knew him were shocked, to say the least, but they smiled back as they watched him head for his bedroom.

As he flopped down on his bed, his vision was overcome with hallucinations of what he and Jeno had done in the past.

Damn, he really missed him.

While he was in a whole different city, it was much easier to expel the lingering thoughts of his ex-boyfriend—after a while, at least. Truth be told, his world was absolutely shattered for over six months after they broke up—but he eventually realized how much he had tormented Jeno, and that he really did need to work on himself before he tried something so serious.

He still wasn't ready. He had made exponential progress, but he knew that progress wasn't enough. He still had trouble maintaining relationships—even strictly platonic ones. He was mature enough now to know that his own emotional unavailability shouldn't be projected onto other people, unlike what he had done to Jeno.

It was against his better judgment to go see Jeno while he was in Seoul. As aforementioned, he wasn't ready, and he couldn't deny he was still romantically attracted to the older. However, he couldn't stop himself. He just needed to see him, to hear his voice, to know he's okay. Maybe that was a mistake, but he had made plenty of those in his existence, but now he had a little better direction on how to deal with his wrongs.

His parents wouldn't be home until later tonight anyway, so what else better did he have to do?

Almost as soon as he had arrived, he rose from his bed and left again. The workers were all confused, but no one stopped him as he exited the mansion and climbed back into his car, a determined expression consuming his features.

Now, he just had to hope that Jeno still worked in the same place.

When he finally arrived at the police station—which took a lot longer than he remembered due to his recently improved driving skills—he was oozing confidence. He felt as if he were the teenager he was back then, coming to see Jeno when he was clearly uninvited. At times, he still felt like the same teenager, and he had to remind himself he's an adult now, and it was necessary for him to behave like one.

As soon as he stepped through the glass doors, he noticed there was someone new seated at Jeno's desk. He began to worry as he glanced around, only to be met with a sea of foreign faces. Sucking in a deep breath, he headed toward the closest one and cleared his throat to get the lady's attention.

"Um...does Lee Jeno work here?"

She narrowed her eyes at him for a split second before nodding her head up and down.

He felt as if a pile of bricks had been lifted off his shoulders. The confidence radiating his aura certainly wouldn't have lasted if he would've had to go on a manhunt to find Jeno. "Where is he?"

She turned and pointed at an office, to which he quickly thanked her and began walking briskly towards it.

He knew if he knocked, all his assertiveness would leave, so he opted for entering unannounced. His breath was nearly knocked out of his body as he saw Jeno's buff figure leaned over rummaging through a drawer in his desk. He almost laughed as he saw how pissed the older looked, but he held it in.

The man still looked the exact same, except for his features that had chiseled out even more with age. Maybe he had gotten a bit more muscly too, but Jaemin was too distracted by his mere presence to pay too much attention.

"Hey, Yukhei, have you seen that damn file Cheif gave us yesterday? I can't—"

The officer looked up, eyes widening the size of saucers as he noticed it wasn't his colleague standing in front of him. "...find it..." he finished weakly.

"Surprise!" the now-blonde boy grinned.

He began to get nervous as the older done nothing but stare at him for what felt like ages before finally getting out of his seat.

Jaemin's heart pounded loudly as he awaited what was to come. He should've known better than to come here. Jeno hates him. Jeno doesn't want to see him ever again. Jeno—

Suddenly, he was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. He was stunned for a moment before he instinctively hugged back as hard as he could. He had missed this more than he had previously thought.

And it seemed Jeno was on the same page.

"I missed you," he said, hardly above a whisper.

"I missed you, too," the blonde replied, nearly choking up with tears—which would have flowed had he not forced himself to hold them back.

Yeah, he probably shouldn't have been here. It probably would've been better if he and Jeno had never seen each other again. There were a lot of things that probably shouldn't have happened under his will.

But he didn't care. He would deal with it later. Right now, he had Jeno—and he didn't know how long that was going to last. If when he left, the heartbreak cycle started all over again, then so be it.

Because right now, he had Jeno in his grasp again.

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a lot of people were mad at me for the ending....soooo in honor of nearly 100k here's a bonus chapter

i hope you liked it <3