blue gasoline ✿ nomin

035

Jaemin was a little disappointed he hadn't seen much of Jeno since Christmas. It had been five days and he hadn't heard from the officer. He tried not to let it get to him, but that was difficult to do when the older practically disappeared after his confession.

With that being said, he decided to take things into his own hands. Tomorrow was New Year's Eve, which meant the Na household would be bustling with a celebration. The party was the perfect way to practically force Jeno to show himself.

He pulled out his phone with a devious smirk and began typing a text message to Jeno.

We're having a New Year's party tomorrow night,, you should come cutie

Without a second thought, he pressed the send button. Jeno was probably at work right now, so he didn't wait up for a reply. He sincerely wished for Jeno to come, as the day of his departure back to France drew closer. The pink-haired boy had honestly nearly forgotten about having to leave again, but now that was all he could think about. The more it floated around in his mind, the less he wanted to go back. Going to have a second chat with his father was seeming more and more appealing by the minute.

It had dawned on him that everything he needed was in Korea if he'd just make use of it. Pushing his friends away because he had convinced himself that he wasn't worthy of anyone's love wasn't working, and only ended up not only upsetting him but others as well. Of course, the demons were still in the back of his mind trying to convince him that he would never be good enough for neither himself nor his friends, and he was going to have to find a way to fight them off—but it was obvious the best attack method wasn't taking off to a different continent.

He leaned his head back as he sniffed a line. His mind was buzzing too much, and he didn't like it. Recent days had been nothing but an ongoing battle between himself and his mind, and Jeno's absence certainly wasn't beneficial to his state. The little voice in his conscience was telling him the officer had changed his mind, and he actually didn't like him at all. Suddenly, that text didn't seem like the best idea. Maybe Jeno was trying to avoid him, and now here he was being desperate.

Tears began to flow down his face. It hurt to believe the person you were in love with hates you—even if it wasn't actually true. This is how good things in his life usually ended—with him sitting on his bedroom floor crying with a powdery nose. He may have realized he was worthy of the love and loyalty of his friends, but Jeno was a whole other ballgame.

As he usually did, he kept going. At this rate, blood would start dripping from his nostrils soon, but he didn't care. A nosebleed was but a setback of his habit. Everything that had felt so right five days ago suddenly couldn't feel more wrong.

His entire body heaved as he cried, waiting for himself to either pass out of overdose—whichever came first.

🔴🔵

Jeno checked his phone for the first time that day when he got off of work. As his eyes scanned over the message from Jaemin, he felt really guilty. He had already promised his family he would partake in their New Year's gathering, and had planned on inviting Jaemin to it. Instead, he was going to have to turn the younger down again.

For some reason, he didn't feel like doing it over text. Something just screamed at him to go say it in person, and suddenly he was glad he didn't take the night shift for the first time in forever. It was just past eight o'clock, which meant it wouldn't be too indecent of him to arrive at this hour.

He arrived soon after, immediately getting out and making his way to the front door. The officer was feeling a bit nervous because he was just showing up out of the blue, but it vanished when the door opened to reveal the head maid.