blue gasoline ✿ nomin

064

It didn't take a genius to see the distance between them since returning to Seoul. Jeno couldn't pinpoint the reason for the change, but it was killing him. Jaemin hardly came around, and when he did, all they did was have sex or sit on their phones.

He didn't know what his boyfriend was doing with all his free time, and that terrified him. It was ridiculously easy for the teen to slip back into his old ways, and with the rift between them, he would never know.

There was no doubt Jaemin felt it too, but of course the latter would never say anything about it—especially since it was his fault. Jeno knew he should bring it up, but causing an argument wasn't something he was quite ready to do.

He sighed as he stepped out of his car into the lukewarm air. He missed Jaemin and everything they had before the younger's overdose. He had hoped this eyeopener along with the blue-haired boy finally getting help would strengthen their relationship, but it seemed to only do the opposite—and as toxic as their relationship had been in the past, he wanted it back.

His apartment felt emptier than usual. Even though Jaemin's presence over the past few weeks had been unfulfilling, it was better than being alone. He used to prefer being by himself until he met the boy he fell in love with. Now, especially after what happened, he just wanted to be with Jaemin all the time.

He pulled out his phone and contemplated dialing his boyfriend's number. He knew it was dumb to feel so conflicted about calling someone that he loved, but he did. Finally, he hit the green button, his heart beating fast as he listened to the ringing in his ear.

🔴🔵

Jaemin slowly blew the smoke out of his mouth, relishing in the addicting music blasting through the house as lips grazed across his neck. He didn't plan on doing anything with the now black-haired boy, but the attention while he got lost in himself was nice.

He turned his head away slightly when Sehyoon tried to kiss him on the mouth, holding back a grimace so the older wouldn't get as offended.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, pouting cunningly.

"Nothing," the blue-haired boy mumbled, trying not to think about how much better 'baby' sounded coming from Jeno. "Just keep doing what you were doing, but no hickeys."

"Yes, sir," Sehyoon said playfully, diving right back into the crook of Jaemin's neck and running his hand along the younger's thighs.

Suddenly, the teen's phone started ringing in his pocket, so he pulled it out. He couldn't help but be surprised that it was Jeno that was calling. He figured the space between them recently—which was thanks to no other than his stupid fucking mind—was enough to drive the officer away, but maybe not. Along with shock, he was also filled with dread. What are the odds his boyfriend calls him right as he's been smoking with a crowd he shouldn't be with, while he's letting someone Jeno hates kiss his neck?

"Ignore it," the ravenette ordered softly, moving his hand further up Jaemin's leg.

Instead, Jaemin ignored him, removing himself from the sofa and going outside where he could take the call in a semi-quiet environment.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, where are you? It's kinda loud in the background," Jeno's voice sounded from the other end of the line.

"That's just my music playing in the background," he lied. "What do you need?"

There was a short pause before the officer cleared his throat. "I...I was going to see if you wanted to go on a drive...or something."

Jaemin felt his heart drop. Of course he wanted to, but he was high, and Jeno would kill him if he knew. "I'm sorry, I can't tonight—"

He was cut off by Sehyoon coming up behind him and encircling his hands around his waist, leaning in to whisper something in his ear.

He was overcome with anger and discomfort, as he roughly shook Sehyoon off and shouted, "Get the fuck off of me, dude!"

"Jaemin? Who are you talking to?" Jeno questioned.

"Don't worry about it. I-I have to go," the blue-haired boy responded quickly, ending the call before the other male could say anything else.

He turned to glare at Sehyoon, who just put his hands up in a cocky surrender. The younger scoffed before stalking back into the house.

A buzz in his pocket caused him to dig it out, his entire body freezing once he read the words illuminated in front of his eyes.

You're at a party, aren't you?

There was no getting out of it this time. He figured something like this would happen soon—it always does. Somehow, Jeno can see right through him, no matter how much he hides it.

He ran his hands through his hair, tugging harshly at the roots. Maybe he could make it better if he just went and seen Jeno instead of letting it fester inside of the latter until he could no longer avoid him.

With his insides bubbling with anxiety and guilt, he pushed through the crowd and found his Porsche, ignoring how dangerous it was for him to drive under the influence. At this point, he could care less, he was only worried about saving his ass from the last person who seemed to give a shit about him.

He was already tearing up as he stumbled down the hallway to Jeno's apartment, vision blurring more with every step. His stomach churned as he gained the courage to knock on the door of his lover, who he would have to face after disappointing him so badly.

The thought of Jeno leaving him after he digressed back—not as far, but still a digression—almost made him sick. He couldn't bear to live without the officer he had become so attached to, no matter how hard he tried to push the older away.

Finally, he sucked in a deep breath and rapped his fists against the door before trying to wipe away the cascading tears so Jeno wouldn't know he's already so weak.

However, it was no use, as the door cracked open to reveal the face of the only person he had ever felt at home around.

He let out several choked sobs, somehow managing to fit an 'I'm so sorry' somewhere in the mix.

He didn't deserve for Jeno to love him.