the queens gambit ♖

XIX

s1e5 fork 
part two :

the pride and sorrow of chess

i poured the canned meatballs into the black skillet i had found under the sink. 

i had also found beltik waiting at my front step as i walked home from the grocery store. this has become normal, though, as we begun to hang out and study more as the summer days dragged on. i was thankful, really.

living in that house alone was dreadful, without the calming presence of mother i was left with my own thoughts. which were never far from dangerous.

even though i was better than him, he offered me insight on what knowledge the russians had. he was, in a way, a secret weapon of mine.

"im moving out of the hotel tomorrow," beltik told me later that night as we played chess outside. the crickets chirped extremely loud, and the porch light provided only enough light to see the board and harry, but nothing beyond him, "into my apartment."

"how far away is it?" we talked as we played.

"new circle road." he muttered as he moved his piece.

my stomach dropped. new circle, the same road my mother drove our vehicle into another, killing herself and leaving me alone.

something told me not to let him move there, maybe it was the feeling in my stomach, or the need not to hear that name ever again.

"you could move in here if you want, for free." i said it casually, but he immediately met my gaze.

"really?"

"yeah," i chuckled, "really."

♖ ♞ ♖ ♞ ♖ ♞

a week later, harry beltik was fully moved into my house. 

he helped me cook and clean, and occasionally with meeting the mortgage. he always did the dishes, though.

"i think theres more to life than chess..." he said as he washed his last plate, "one of my heroes, philidor, a french musician who used to play chess blindfolded. Diderot wrote him a letter, and philidor was doing blind exhibitions and burning out his brain, or whatever it is they thought you did in the 18th century," his voice died out, "anyway. Diderot wrote to him and said something like, "its foolish to run the risk of going mad for vanity's sake." now i think about that sometimes, when im analyzing my chess board and different routes and patterns and moves..." the list went on, and i turned away to put all the dry dishes away. he seemed to stop talking, but i didnt remember a point being said.

"I... um, saw your picture on the cover of Chess Review, and those pictures townes took in las vegas," townes. boy, had i forgotten about him too quickly. it felt nice to hear his name, but then as memories came flooding back to the last time we spoke, the feeling went away.

forget it.

"-they were beautiful."  he continued. and i shut the cabinet door, not knowing what to say. 

"i thought maybe the two of you were-"

"no." i said quickly, not wanting to even address it, "we werent."

there was silence, and something told me i wasnt going to like where this conversation was headed. i continued to face the cabinet doors.

"truth is," he cleared his throat, "i was waiting for you to come back. youre the reason i got my teeth fixed-"

no. this couldnt happen. not right now.

"didnt koltanowski used to play blindfolded all the time?" i asked as quickly as i could, shaming me for my failed attempted at a casual manner, "i mean he wasnt crazy."