A Different Way

chapter 10

Once Xailendra gets home, she dives to her bed and hurries her face to her pillow.

It's been a long time since I've had an enemy. That girl isn't even my enemy. But it's safe to assume were going there.

She groans and she covers her ears with her pillow. Once again, her anxiety is making her overthink. There was voices that whispered to her ear saying nothing but bad things and it makes Xailendra even more tense. The voices are back. The voices are back. The voices are fucking back.

She sits up to her bed and tries to stop herself from hyperventilating. There was an anxiety attack she felt coming and she doesn't exactly want that right now.

Her heartbeat becomes faster and that worries her so trying to shake it off, she shakes her leg. When that didn't work, she paced her room back and forth and jumps around for a little bit.

Again, like the other things she did, it failed to work. So to distract herself, she checks her social media. When she didn't find anything that can distract her, she checked her school works. Everything that she did seemed to make things worse and it makes her confused.

So she had no choice but to let it happen. A few tears were shed and she had a little trouble with her breathing but out of nowhere she just stops. It always happens, she can't understand why is she still confused.

After her little anxiety attack, she decides it's finally time to talk to her teacher about what happened earlier that day.

She wipes her tears and clears her throat, and she tries to check her voice of it sounds normal enough before she dialled Jesy's number.

After a few rings, Jesy picks up. "Hey Xai, what's up?"

"About the role thing earlier," She bites her lip. "Is there any type of way to give that girl my role? I mean, I'm just a beginner and..."

"Well, if I'm going to give it to her, it's not going to work," Jesy says. "Look, Xai, kid, I chose you for a reason. There's a lot of potential in you. Yeah, let's say your a beginner and compared to them, they know much more than you do about theater. But we all have to have somewhere to start, right? Maybe this is that start."

"You know, I never expected to get any roles like, at all," She says with all honesty. "It was just, you were asking me to sing and I'm like, okay? The auditioning thought was always there but I— I didn't actually think that I'm good enough—"

Jesy laughs in amusement. "Well you are more than good enough. You got that Eliza Schuyler role for a reason," She can practically hear her smile in the other end of the line. "And maybe the only reason why that girl used to star in most of the plays is because she haven't found someone who's in your level. And I think things should change once in a while."

"I, uh, I'm lowkey afraid that that girl is going to— I don't know, uh, see me as a rival? I guess? Maybe I'll just ignore her but is she gonna ignore me? Like— Like— I-I don't know." She says nervously.

"How 'bout this," Jesy sighs. "Prove her that you're good for the role. Show her that you are the perfect Eliza. Plus, with an attitude like hers? You beat her already. She's gonna be a pain in the bum if she got the role if you ask me."

Xailendra laughs at her statement. "Yeah. I'm just literally overthinking things and there's— there's these shit and I— I'm just— I can't believe I'm panicking over something this stupid and— yeah. I'm— just gonna.... keep it cool. Whew."

"Are you okay though? You sound really anxious," Jesy said worriedly. "Don't get worried about her, okay? She sees you as a threat and just... it's okay. Everything's fine, yeah?"

"I'm just acting like a train wreck every since the announcement," She said, her voice shaking slightly. "It's nothing, really. I gotta go, I have a few school works to do. Bye!" She cuts their conversation short because Jesy might find out that she had a panic attack, she might need to tell her what happened, and just the feeling of opening up to someone makes her feel slightly uncomfortable (she's lying, it makes her highly uncomfortable), and she just hates that feeling.

She feels a little bad that she just ended the call like that, especially because she doesn't usually end calls without the other person saying their farewell. She hopes that Jesy won't look at her as if she was disrespectful because that's absolutely the last thing she wants right now.

She overthinks once again and she just sat in her bedroom floor, asking herself when is this cycle of hell going to end.

☆。*。☆