Losing Her Mate (Book 2 of The Red Dawn Trilogy )

Chapter ELEVEN

James POV

Days have passed and I refuse to go home. I just stay in my wolf form wondering about the territory. I've hardly slept or eaten anything since coming out here. The only reason I believe I still have energy is because of my wolf. After leaving the party I wasn't in my right mind. I cut off all links for both Amber and my concerned friends. I wandered around aimlessly until I collapsed in a miserable heap with silent tears rolling down my cheeks screaming out curses and beating the grass.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because when I awake the next morning I'm in my wolf form. I feel a little better and stronger. I attribute it to being in my wolf form and him sustaining me like all those months ago after I was assaulted by William. I decide to stay in this form and continue on.

I encounter a few pack members while wandering mostly border guards. Everyone gives me my space but not before I see the sympathy in their eyes which angers me. I have to remember that my shaming was quite public and yet another embarrassment.

Overall the last few days have been hell without Amber if I can't last a few days I don't know how I'm suppose to survive a lifetime without her. Do I want to be without her? Maybe she doesn't even want me. Hell I don't know. I can't manage to get pass the pain of her betrayal to think about anything but going back and killing Dallas or just killing myself.

When I do get a moment of clarity I try to be rational about this whole thing but it's hard to dismiss my true feelings in favor of taking the higher ground. I fucking hurt so bad how am I suppose to ignore that.

I want to forgive Amber I really do. I want to try to make this work. I love her and I want to relieve her of any guilt. I know forgiveness doesn't change the past but it does brighten the future and my future is Amber. It's been with her since before I was even created. I can't dismiss something so right.

Everytime I've made up my mind on going back home that asshole known as Doubt aka Insecurity whispers to me.

How solid and strong was you bond if a misunderstanding is all it takes for her to have sex with another man?

She didn't even come after you, she's probably with Dallas. Whose to say she even wants you?

With those thoughts running rampant in my mind I never make any progress towards heading back. In fact I retreat further into myself and deeper into the territory.

I'm walking around in a meadow full of daisies and lilacs when a interesting scent catches my attention as the breeze picks up from the west. The scent reminds me of fresh chocolate chip cookies. It smells sweet and almost innocent. It's nice and makes me warm inside.

Intrigued I decide to follow it. I trail the scent for a good two miles when I come to a bluff over looking the west side of Red Dawn. On this bluff is a woman sitting in the grass and two enforcers standing a few feet away watching her looking absolutely bored.

They haven't yet detected me so I just sit and observe them. The woman is tiny and the clothes she's in are drowning her. I can't see her face very well but her strawberry blonde hair is shaved down to about an inch and her skin is so pale it glows in in the sun.

The woman seems to be in deep thought staring out at the breathtaking scenery before her.

From up here you can see for miles. There's glistening lakes, soaring mountains, hundreds of thousands of birch and oak trees, and fields of wild flowers scattered around creating nice splashes of color. The bluff itself sits on a grassy cliff with a 300 feet rocky drop that the woman is only sitting a few feet from. I've actually climbed this mountain before. This place is quite serene I wouldn't mind relaxing here for a few hours.