The Fallen Invader

Chapter 9: Agent Ninjabat

After bribing her with some pizza from Bloaty's, Gaz went to work on hacking into Ninjabat's webcam. She was up all night working on it. Ninjabat's computer was unsurprisingly high-tech, so the security measures were much stronger.

The next morning, I woke up to find Gaz still going strong, typing away at my computer. I only hoped she didn't snoop through anything on there while I was asleep. She had more than enough blackmail material on me already.

When she finally got into the webcam, I braced myself, knowing that whoever was behind the screen would have to be a familiar face, but the person who appeared onscreen was not who I expected.

"KEEF!?"

Gaz squinted at him, not immediately recognizing him. "Isn't that that weird kid who used to follow you and Zim around?"

"Yeah, that's him, but it doesn't make any sense! Sure, he's a creepy stalker, but he always seemed so normal, and oblivious, and... Keef-like. Then again, maybe he seeks revenge, fueled by his obsession with Zim! Tired of rejection, he wants to expose him for the alien monster that he is!"

"You're doing that annoying monologue thing again."

"Yes, yes, it all makes sense, but we'll need more proof! Come on, Gaz, we're going over there to investigate!"

She pushed herself away from the desk. "I only agreed to hack into the webcam. You and Zim are on your own for this one."

Leave it to Gaz to apathetically reject a good investigation. Oh well, she helped in her own way, I guess.

I went back over to Zim's base to tell him the plan. We'd go to his house, ask some questions, and if we could get a confirmation on him being Ninjabat, we'd wipe his brain.

"Can't we just wipe his brain regardless?" Zim asked on the way there.

"Isn't the whole point of this for you to not get arrested? No unnecessary brain wipes!" I argued.

"True, but this is Keef we're talking about. It seems very necessary."

With a single knock on the door, the ginger-haired menace appeared.

"Oh my gosh! Zim and Dib? You're here to see me? My best friends are here to see me?"

"We just want to ask you a few questions."

Without warning, he grabbed both our hands and pulled us inside.

"Sounds great! Then after that, we can go to the movies! Then we can go to the arcade, and eat pizza, and take pictures together!"

"Uh huh, that's great, Keef. Are you familiar with the Swollen Eyeball Network?"

He shook his head. "Nope! My eyes don't get swollen anymore after Zim gave me these cool new ones! Isn't that a thoughtful gift?"

For the first time, I noticed how lens-like his eyes were. I turned to Zim, who avoided my gaze.

"YOU STOLE HIS EYES!?" I screamed.

"What? I gave him new ones. He just said so!" Zim argued.

Well, it seemed Keef had a clear motive against Zim.

"So, uh, you've been friends with Zim a long time, huh?" I asked.

"Oh yeah! We're the bestest friends! Right, Zim?"

The alien scowled. I was about to strangle him. If he didn't play along, we would get nowhere.

"Yes. Of course we're friends." He stated, gagging. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go vomit. Where is your toilet?"

Keef sent him upstairs, leaving the two of us alone.

"Alright, let's cut to the chase, are you Agent Ninjabat or not?" I asked.

"Oh, that's not me. My little sister calls herself that, though."

"Your sister?"

"Yeah! I have two younger siblings, Meef and Moofy! They're upstairs right now."

Moofy. Where did I hear that name before? It sounded so familiar, and yet...

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Zim screaming upstairs.

"Uh, if you'll excuse me a sec!"

Right in the middle of the upstairs hallway, I found Zim pinned to the floor by an eleven-ish year-old girl with orange pigtails.

"So, you found me. That was fast." She said with a smirk.

"YOU'RE Agent Ninjabat? But... why? And how did you know who I was? We've never even met you!"

"Forgot about me already, huh? Don't you remember six years ago, when a Girly Ranger got her foot stuck in front of that freaky-looking green house?"

The memories flooded back to me. That was why I remembered her. This kid was all over the news, and she loved every minute of it. In fact, if Zim hadn't ripped her out of the ground, President Man would've drilled right into his base. That was a weird day.

"Okay, now I remember you. But I still don't get why you're doing this."

"You left behind a journal that day. This one." She whipped out a black book with the Swollen Eyeball logo on the cover.

"I read through it, and it explained everything. It made perfect sense. Zim was the only one who was able to get me out of that hole, because he's not human! Only an alien monster from beyond would be able to get past my horrible screaming! From that moment on, I knew I had to learn more, so I could enact my revenge against the evil alien who ended my TV fame! So I've been stalking you online and in real life with the help of my brother who's totally obsessed with you for some reason. I once thought maybe we could be allies, until I learned that you became FRIENDS with this thing!"

At that moment, all I could do was facepalm. "Oh come on! You've seriously been holding a grudge over THAT for all this time!? You wanna destroy Zim for pulling you out of a hole!? That's, like, the least of his crimes!"

She smirked. "Oh, I know that, Dib. As I've said, I've been following your contributions to the Swollen Eyeball Network for a while now, and I know about all the horrible things he's done. And for you to side with him? Clearly you're a brainwashed traitor. It's my sole responsibility to take both of you down!"

Zim chuckled. "Hey Dib, who does she sound like right now?" He asked, teasing. As much as I hated to admit it, that annoying, screaming little girl turned into another me, and from the looks of things, that wasn't good.

"QUIET, YOU!" She screeched, giving him a swift punch in the face.

"Alright, Moofy, look, if you would let me just calmly explain things to you, maybe we could-"

Before I could finish talking, she cut me off with a high-pitched shriek, immediately summoning her parents.

Zim and I were promptly kicked out of the house, and her dad threatened to pummel us if we ever came back. Fantastic.

"So, what do we do about the little demon baby?" Zim asked as we walked back to my house.

"We'll figure something out. I'm not too worried, though. She's just a kid. If nobody listened to me back then, I doubt anyone will pay any attention to her."

Though in the back of my mind, I couldn't forget how that day ended. Zim was praised as the hero who "saved" Moofy from the hole, but when I actually got stuck, nobody came. The entire town came out to support some little brat who wasn't even stuck to begin with, but when I actually needed help, I was just left there until Zim eventually got sick of my screaming and helped me out.

In short, I just have rotten luck, and there was a good chance Moofy would have an advantage simply because she wasn't me.

I swear, sometimes I wonder if it would've been better off to just let this stupid planet get destroyed.