Not The Victim

Chapter 9

        Chapter 9- Hey! Hi! I'm saying Hi!

        I think my heart is bruising the inside of my rib cage. I am nervous. I'm not excited. I'm nervous. I'm over prepared yet I still feel like somethings missing, oh I don't know, my confidence maybe? All I've wanted to do all day was make eye contact with him and like smile or something. This is so pathetic but I can't help it. Tonight though, that's my time to fix everything I can totally do this.

        Laney and I walk to lunch talking about the halftime performance. She thinks shes gonna mess up but I think that what anyone would think for their first time. I made jokes to relax her and reminded her if you miss a step, as long as you play it off and fix it, no one will notice. We sit down and tell everyone to go to the football game to see us because we're fantastic. True. As I'm eating I look over at Davis and he looks back and he smiles...and is that a wave? He just waved at me. My cheeks lit on fire instantly and I couldn't help but smile back the look back over at Laney. "Laney," I hissed,         " Davis just smiled at me!" 

"Seriously? No way! He wants your body." she squealed.

"Oh my god no stop!" I laughed.

        After Lunch on the way to band I was in front of Davis so I tried to act cute and excited and nervous all at the same time. I need him to love me. I tried to make everything I did, super cute in case he was looking. I also did a fine job at hiding the fact that my insides were bubbling and my hands were cold and shaking nonstop. I was so damn nervous. My thoughts are so scrambled I can't form them into a sentence on how I feel right now. Nervous, nervous, nervous. I couldn't play my clarinet for shit and my marching was awful, there were even people saying I shouldn't come to the halftime if I was going to march like that and I told them it was because I was nervous about a test in my next hour and it'll be better later. It wasn't all a lie. I was definitely nervous. I bet he totally saw me fuck up while marching I wonder if he thought that was cute? Probably not I bet he thinks I'm dumb. Actually he probably doesn't notice, I don't know. Finally after what felt like three years we went inside and put our stuff away. I made a short awkward eye contact with Davis but uh that doesn't really count.

        How I was able to walk to my next class on numb legs I don't know but god was I thankful to land in Spanish. It was so cold in there but nothing would calm my stress sweat ugh why??? One more hour after this one, then i stay after school to practice with my section the the game. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I need a break. Once I slipped out the door I walked as quickly as I could to the ladies room to breathe. I paced back and forth the going to the bathroom then pacing some more until I was out of breath and had to sit. actually I lied on the floor. I was dirty but I didn't care it was comfortable. I stayed on the cold floor, staring at he blank ceiling as long as i dared. Then I slowly sat up and got up on my feet. I walked out of the bathroom and got a drink then walked quietly into Spanish.

        Its time. Well I still have practice but school is over. Time is going to fast I wasn't ready. My stomach had the feeling right before you fall out of your chair except it didn't go away, I thought I was going to hurl. He was on my mind the whole time, bouncing from thought to thought making my head spin, but I kept it together. After checking the time every five minutes it was 4:45 and people were already starting to show up and i forgot the ability to inhale. About 10 minutes later i lost the ability to stand when i saw Davis show up. I got to nervous and rushed Laney inside with me to start getting ready. Before we could get our uniforms on our director had to give us a six hour speech when finally we could get ready. My chest is pounding I cant do this I'm not ready. Everything as been the same for so long with us just keeping our distance but now I just cant believe this is happening.

        I did okay at avoiding him but I decided to risk it and get gloves while he was up there. Oh jeeze I was right behind him. My adrenaline was busting out my ears I just want scared, well I was too scared to say something but I wasn't too scared to stand two feet behind him. He's going to hear me talk when the ask what size I need. He asked the director something then moved to turn around, this is it. He turned but something in me made me move over so he couldn't see me and talk to the person getting my gloves. I could feel Laney freaking out behind me, but nothing could compare to my own screaming echoing in my head making me blind to everything. I grabbed my gloves and rushed back to my seat to breathe. 

"BRUH" Laney said loudly enough for the whole band to hear. "WHAt was tHAT!?" she yelled.

        "Okay I panicked I still have all night don't worry!"

        "Fine but I swear if you don't say anything I will beat you!" 

        "I know I know I will."

        "Okay well come with me to get my thing," referring to her uniform

        I agreed and we went out there to get hers. It took a super long time but we finally got it and I followed her too the door. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard Laney make a gagging noise in front of me so I turned to laugh before Davis and I were face to face. "Hey! hi! I'm saying hi!" I sputtered "Hi!" he laughed.