If you could be anywhere

Aftermath

It had been about 5 months since what had happened to Spencer and I. We were recovering slowly but surely. I was binging Greys Anatomy when I hear a knock on the door. I immediately grab my gun, I only started doing that after the incident. I open it ready to shoot to a very drunk Penelope Garcia.

I put my gun back and invite her in her drunken giggles resignating throughout the house. I sit her back down on the couch as Spencer comes down stairs after he hears her giggles."Penelope what are you doing here?" He asks a bit of shock and anger in his usually calm voice.

"Jesus I got drunk and I have to tell Cal something." She slurs her words.

I nod to Spencer and he goes back upstairs. "What is it Penny?"

"I-I'm bisexual Cal and you're the only one that knows please don't tell Spencer." She pleads.

"Um yeah of course Penny, but let me call you a cab to take you back to your apartment."

I call her a cab and in no time it was here I wave bye to her and I tell the driver her address. Afterwards I go back to the couch and sit down. After about two episodes of Grey's Anatomy, I go upstairs after I hear crying. I thought it was Leo or Christopher. I looked in their rooms and didn't see either of them crying. But the crying continues, I make my way up to Spencer and Is room. I find Spencer on the bed crying clutching to a pillow pulling it close to his chest. I rush over to him "Spencer are you okay?!" Concern ridden on my face.

"I don't wanna do this." He wails.

I get in bed next to him and pull him in "What do you mean baby?" I mope.

"I don't wanna live without her!" He makes a sound that's a combination of a moan and a wail.

I pull him in he rest his tender head on my chest. "I'm so sorry baby it was all my fault, I never should've been in the field and it's my fault she's dead." I admit.

"I wanna use again Princess." He wails

"So do I."

"Wait you've used before?" He questions.

"Oxy I used to use oxy and I never told anyone that before."

"I just want the pain to stop."

"That's the thing Spencer, pain will always exist."

"She asked about you and she said take her to the moon for me."

Tears streaming down my face. "She also said I'll be waiting for both of you, but now isn't your time Callie needs you." He says in between sobs.

"I know one thing-" I start.

"What?"

"She wouldn't want us to linger on her death forever, she'd want us to be a couple again."

"What do you mean Princess."

"You're still unable to look Diane in the eyes without crying, I still leave the bed and cry on the couch every night, that we aren't acting like a family."I say silver glistening tears running down my face.

He clutches closer to me and I stroke his hair. "Why are you doing that Princess?"

"Because whenever I'm sad I like it when people hold me tight and stroke my hair, and tell them they love me. And every time that's happened you've helped me and for better and for worse. Right?" I sort of question.

"For better or for worse." He resonates.

"I promise Spencer I'll never leave or run away from you even now." I remind him.

He clutches on like a child to their mothers leg."I am so fucking in love with you princess"

He falls asleep in my arms while I'm stroking his hair. If I could I'd take away every ounce of pain he was feeling and throw it away I'd do it in a heartbeat, but that's the thing about loving someone is that when one of you hurts it hurts the other just as much or even more. The worst thing would be not able to take away someone you loves pain, all I could do was sit there and cry for him, knowing that he'd been so strong for far to long.