Sober (TsukkiYama Angst)

Ocean Eyes

Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm

~Tsukki~

I was in a dark room. I couldn't see anything around me. The only light in the room was a spotlight shining on me.

"Where am I?"

I heard a click behind me and I turned around. Another spotlight had turned on and under it was Tadashi on their knees. They looked like they were crying.

I ran over to them and kneeled down on the floor next to them, "Tadashi?"

They pulled their hand away from their face and looked at me. Their hazel orbs looked at me through their wet eyelashes. Tears were streaming down their face and over their freckles.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

They rubbed their face, "It's nothing..."

"Tadashi, please..."

They sniffed, "It hurts..."

"What hurts?"

"I'm always worrying about you... I do everything I can to make you happy, but nothing works. I feel so useless..."

"Tadashi, you're not useless. You do more than you know for me."

"I don't sleep anymore... I don't eat anymore... I'm sad all the time... I don't know why I'm trying to live anymore..."

I faltered. I wonder why that sounded so familiar...

"What are you talking about?"

"You were right, you know... About cutting," they said.

I grabbed their wrist. The cuts were fresh and bleeding.

"It's so relieving..."

My heart dropped. I said those things to justify myself whenever I did it but I never would've wanted to encourage them to do it.

I looked at their eyes. They were looking off into the distance, as if they were longing to feel that relief again. They needed the relief...

"Tadashi..."

Their eyes suddenly darted to the ground to the side. There was a blade on the ground and they crawled over to grab it.

"Tadashi, no!"

My alarm clock went off and I jolted awake. I groaned and slammed the snooze button. I forgot I don't need to get up early for morning practice anymore. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I grabbed my phone and texted Tadashi.

(Tsukki 6:10)

"I'm not going to morning practice. You can still go if you want"

They texted me back a few minutes later.

(Tadashi 6:12)

"I'm not going either. I'll be at your house at 7:30"

(Tsukki 6:13)

"Okay"

I put my headphones on and blasted music as I waited for Tadashi to come. I didn't eat breakfast. I wasn't hungry. I put my uniform on and Tadashi rang the doorbell.

"Good morning, Tsukki," they greeted.

"Good morning," I replied.

"I got this for you." They handed me a little can of black tea. It was from the vending machine down the street. They got one for each of us.