Peace [HS AU]

27. Harry

Everything changed after our date at the Italian restaurant. Something finally clicked in my brain, I think it was seeing how hurt Cam was by keeping things from her that made me realize I wasn't a burden. Sometimes I did start to overthink and I'd get nervous but then I'd just look at Cam and realize she wanted me. She actually wanted me.

I wonder if this is how she feels sometimes.

Sometimes it was so hard for me to comprehend. My one serious relationship really took a toll on me and it was hard for me to accept that Cammy cared for me and she wanted to bare this weight I carried with me.

She wasn't trying to fix me and I wasn't trying to fix her. We were just there for each other.

I felt like such a dick when she called me out on treating her differently. I never even realized I was doing that but as soon as she said it I thought back over the past few weeks and realized just how much I was treating her differently. I didn't want to be that person so this past week I've really made the effort to open up about how my day is actually going and it made me feel even more comfortable around Camryn. She would just listen and she seemed to know when I needed advice or encouragement or for her to just listen and say nothing.

She knew me a lot better than I realized.

Tonight was Wednesday and this week at work was probably the most stressful because of all the extra work. I really am considering talking to my boss but I'm anxious. I don't want him to think I am ungrateful for his trust and the position I am in. I don't want to get fired.

I've been working extra hard and taking less breaks because Cam and I are leaving for Wales Friday at lunch.

I don't know what to do about work and Camryn has been really good at just encouraging me to think about what I want.

I decided we needed a do-over date. I wanted to forget about work for the evening because we are leaving for Wales and I was really excited about it. I was excited she wanted me to come. It would be our first holiday together and I couldn't want to explore Cardiff with her.

Dinner was much smoother and we just laughed and talked about our days and she told me about some new manuscripts. I loved hearing her talk. She was also having another really good day. I think she was coming to the end of her depressive cycle and I was so happy about that because she needed a break from her brain.

Camryn was being very touchy tonight. I wasn't complaining, I loved feeling her hands on me.

I was so fucking proud of her today, and this past week with how open we've been and how she is choosing to not let her depression rule her. It's still difficult but she her brain is easing up on her and she is able to take control of her life again.

I had some clothes at her place and a toothbrush so she made sure to ask me to just come home with her after dinner and of course I agreed.

Sometimes I wondered if we spent too much time together but we are in a relationship and that's a normal thing to do— be together. And with her depressive cycle I wanted to make sure I was there if she needed me.  And I know she wanted to be there when I needed her.