The ups and downs of My Life

(DOWN) ALMOST Everything I'm Dysphoric about

Hi so I've been having absolutely shitty dysphoria recently and nobody around me seems to understand what i go through on a day to day basis.
This chapter may be very long.
I put almost everything because honesty it's already going to be a lot in itself but i wanted to have something to look back on so I can see if it's something I'll grow out of. Some dysphoria will probably never go away, i know that but i was laying in bed last night when I thought of this idea for a chapter. I also made this because i wanted to see just how much dysphoria I really experience. These are going to get oddly specific but that's alright. Anyways lets just get started.

Here's almost everything I'm dysphoric about:

1. My voice, pretty obvious one. Talking sucks!! The only exception is being at home. I am less dysphoric at home because everyone there knows me and
doesn't judge me based upon my voice.

2. My chest and genitals, It sucks ass cause I shouldn't have these body parts.

3. My fat distribution, i want thinner thighs and smaller hips :(

4. My lack of hair growth all over my body not just legs and Armpits. My armpit hair makes me really dysphoric. I haven't shaved in over 2 years.

5. My non sharp jawline, im a bit chubby but I found that chewing gum can work out the muscles in the face and jaw.

6. Getting called my deadname or anything related to it. It hurts more when my mom calls me it because its personal. And because she knows how bad it makes feel.

7. People using she/her pronouns, absolutely horrible. Never call me that.

8. My wide hips and bigger thighs, again wish I had more manlier body features.

9. My stomach fat, I literally hate my stomach fat so much.

10. People in my life referring to when I thought I was a girl or bringing up past things in a negative way.

11. Going to school. Yes in general going to school makes me Dysphoric because I have to put an extra effort in order to pass.

12. The way my chest is when I lay on my side in bed. MASSIVE DYSPHORIA TRIGGER.

13. How small my hands are and the lack of masculinity in them.

14. The way I don't know anything about sports especially football. It makes me feel like less of a man because I don't know anything about sports. Although I'm not too interested in sports anyways.

15. The way I'm an overthinker, most females are overthinkers so it makes me feel less of a man.

16. This used to affect me a lot but the way I walk and stand. Although I've changed the way I walk and sit. I still experiencing dysphoria especially with standing.

17. My packer causes me some dysphoria because sometimes its hard to position in my pants so it doesn't look like I have a boner.

18. My binder because i hate the fact that i wear a binder just so I can have a flat chest. No cis male has to go through the back pain of binding so it makes me Dysphoric in the fact that I have to bind but it relieves some dysphoria because it does flatten my chest.

19. Alway wearing a coat over my hoodies. Coats are like my comfort blanket make my chest look more cis passing. But i just wish I could wear what ever i want without layering so much.

20. The way I say please and thank you. I overly thank people. Like saying "Thank you so much" causes me dysphoria because most cis dudes just say thank you.

21. Having to work in groups at school, i already hate talking so for the most part I end up not talking at all.

22. I know I already said this but again my chest. I think right now it is one of the biggest things that causes me dysphoria. I hate binding but looking down and seeing lumps there makes me beyond dysphoric.