Bilbo and the Dwarves scatter after the dinner is over. Nori enters the kitchen, using a doily to wipe his face. Bilbo who sees, runs after him and from behind rips the doily out Nori's hands.
"Ex-Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dish cloth." Bilbo says as he fumbled with the cloth in his hands.
"But it's full of holes!" Bofur said from his position near the fire place, smoking from his pipe.
"It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet." Bilbo explains as he folds the doily.
"Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it." Bofur jokes causing Bilbo to go over to his cabinet in frustration.
"Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" Bilbo angrily throws the doily onto his cabinet. Just as Gandalf enters the kitchen, looking at Bilbo concerned.
"My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" Gandalf questions.
"What's the matter?" Bilbo repeats indignantly. "I'm surrounded by Dwarves! What are they doing here?" Bilbo questions with slight anger.
From behind Nori hoists a chain of sausages over his shoulder. Which Bofur see and quickly grabs one end, trying to take it off him. The two Dwarves scuffle.
"Oh They're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them." Gandalf explains.
"I don't want to get used to them!" Bilbo says as he leads Gandalf into the hallway. "Look at the state of my kitchen!"
Bilbo points to the mud that is splatters all over the rug. "There's mud trod in the carpet, they...they've pillaged the pantry! I'm not even going to tell you what they've done in the bathroom; they've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" Bilbo demands with frustration as he puts his hands on his hips, but only to gasp in sudden realization.
"What is it Bilbo?" Gandalf questions looking at Bilbo with curious eyes, wondering what Bilbo is going to fuss about.
"Oh no! What is Rowena going to think about all of this!" Bilbo frets as he slightly paces in his hallways thinking about his aunt, who is no where to be seen.
'She's going to think that I'm such a bad host. Oh no, no, no... sh...she's going to be upset with what the Dwarves have done. Oh she is not going to like me after this. Not at all, she's going to think I let these Dwarves walk all over me. Oh Rowena I'm so sorry.' Bilbo thought frantically.
Gandalf is lost for words as he stares down at Bilbo in shock.
'Is it possible that it could be the same Rowena? No, couldn't be.' Gandalf narrows his eyebrows in thought. 'Or is it just someone else? Couldn't be.... could it?'
Before Gandalf could question Bilbo, Ori approaches the pair, tapping Bilbo on the shoulder.
"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. But what should I do with my plate?" Ori asks holding the plate in his hands just as Fili enters the hallway.
"Here you go, Ori, give it to me." Fili takes the plate, before quickly throwing it to Kili who is standing by the kitchen doorway. Kili throws the plate into the kitchen, where Bifur stands at the sink, catching it and putting it in the sink. Bilbo watches as his dishes are thrown from the dinning room, to the kitchen.
"Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo exclaims.
The Dwarves ignore him, and continue to throw the plates about. Bilbo hears beating and scraping from the dining room. He goes to investigate. Bofur, Nori, Gloin and Dori are using his cutlery as percussion instruments and banging their fists on the table.
"And... and, ca... can you not do that, you'll blunt them!" Bilbo stutters.
"Ooh, d'you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!" Bofur chuckles as they continue.
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!" Kili starts to sing to the beat of the other Dwarves strange but catchy beat.
"Smash the bottles and burn the corks!" Fili joins in with his brother.
The rest of the Dwarves joined in "Smash the bottles and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
The Dwarves continue to throw the dishes from the dining room, to the hallway, to the kitchen, singing all the while as Bilbo complained.
"Cut the cloth, tread on fat! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor, splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl, pound them up with a thumping pole!
When you're finished, if they are whole, send them down the hall to roll!"
As the Dwarves joyously continued to recklessly play around with Bilbo's plates and cups. Making music out of some of the dishes, Bofur playing his flute as the Dwarves continues to toss the plates across the room.
"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
Bilbo rushes around his house, frantic and panicked. Bilbo sprints into the dining room. Gandalf and the Dwarves are circled around the table, laughing, while holding the ale. All of the dishes are stacked neatly on the table, sparkly clean. Bilbo is in shock and in awe to see that nothing is broken.
"Look at his face." Kili shouted while laughing.
Three loud knocks come from the door.
Everyone goes quiet, and turns to look.
"He is here." Gandalf speaks.
YOU ARE READING
The Fae and the Dwarf King
FanfictionThe Faes were once a proud race, living in harmony with all races. Never had anyone ever had a problem with the Fae folk, but that was until Azog the Defiler raided the once peaceful race, now almost all Faes are in hiding using their magic to look...
