Decisions

Chapter 12

Nick's P.O.V
What is wrong with me? How come I always seem to fuck everything up? I mean I fucked up my relationship with Joe when I broke the band up, then he started self- harming but he hid it so well. I didn't know he was that depressed.

Then I fucked things up with Olivia. I mean I don't even know what I did to deserve that. We had a pretty active sex life. I always treated her well. I don't know maybe something is wrong with me. I don't know. I need to clear my head. Maybe a nice jog will help. I sighed as I got out of bed and walked to my dresser to throw on some sweatpants and tee- shirt.

I stepped out of my door only to see Joe. "Hey bro. How's it goin'?" Joe asked me, eyeing me warily. I know that he has been told to watch me, I just need some space. "I'm going for a jog. I need to clear my head." I told him honestly.

He nods and continues to do whatever he was doing. I walked out of the door and down to the sidewalk to start my jog. I put headphones in my ears and selected a song that always calms me down and lifts my spirts, then I started to jog. On my path that I had chosen to jog I came across a park.

I saw a park bench so I thought I would sit and take a break for a minute. As I was resting I noticed these two little boys playing together on the swingset. The one who looked older was pushing his little brother on the swing. The older one looked about 7 and the younger one was about 5. I smiled as I watched them then a memory hit me.

-begin flashback-

It was a nice day outside. I was sitting in the living room on the floor coloring. "Hey Nicky." My older brother Joe was walking up to me. I just smiled at him. "Do you wanna go to the park with me and mom?" He asked me showing me his toothy grin. I nodded and got up to put my coloring stuff away.

Joe was running around the house singing "My brother Nicky and I going to swiiiiinnnngggg!!!" He sang. "Joe stop running and screaming at the top of your lungs." Our mom told him. "Can you help me get Nick?" She asked him. Joe came up to me and grabbed my hand. "Come on Nick. We're gonna have so much fun!" Joe yelled in excitement. Joe was babbling about how much fun we were going to have. I love hanging out with my brother. We always have so much fun.

Once mom was ready we headed to the park that was close to our house. Once we got to the park we got out of the car. "What do you want to go Nicky?" Joe asked me. "I want to go on the swings!" I told him. He laughed then nodded and grabbed my hand leading me to the swingsets. Once we got there he helped me get on the swing and started to push me.

"Higher Joey! Higher! I squealed. I loved swings! I loved Joey! He was a good big brother. All of the sudden I slipped. I screamed in pain. Joe came rushing to my side. I looked up and saw our mom running to us. "What happened, Nick?" She asked me.

"I fell mommy." I told her. She picked me up and told Joe to go play. I looked at him. He looked sad. "I want Joey!" I told her. She looked at me then put me down and I ran to Joe. He held me tightly. "You ok buddy?" Joe asked me. I nodded and sniffled.

"I promise to protect you. I promise to be the best big brother ever. I love you so much. You are my best friend. I am so glad you're my little brother." He smiled then kissed my cheek. I knew I would be ok if I always had Joe with me. We ran off to play together.

-end flashback-

"Hey mister." I looked down to see the little 7 year old boy tapping my leg. "Why are you crying?" He asked me. I brought my hand to my face. I didn't even realize I was crying I just shook my head. "My name is Joe. What's yours?" He asked me. "I'm Nick." I smiled at him. "My brother's name is Nick." My eyes widened.

Just then his mother called him back over to them and I got up and started my jog back home. Once I finally reached the house I went upstairs and took a shower. Once I finished with my shower I put on some jeans and went down to find Joe. I found him in the kitchen making lunch. "Hey, how was your jog?" He asked. "It was good." He nodded. "Feel better?" He asked.

It was my turn to nod. Just then I decided to hug him. I wrapped my arms around him, he was surprised at first but wrapped his arms around me too and held me tightly to him. "What was that for?" He asked once we pulled away. "I love you so much. Thank you for being the best big brother ever." I told him.

He had tears shining in his eyes. "Well you make it easy being such an awesome little brother." He told me. Lunch was finished so we sat at the table to eat. In that moment I knew I would be ok if I had Joe in my life.