Decisions

Chapter 5

I have been staring at my door for the last 20 minutes now because I keep hearing things on the other side of the door but I have no idea what it is. I hear a bang then grumbling. Then another bang and more grumbling and then the one that freaked me out the most was a sound of something falling and then I heard a noise right outside my door and I looked at my floor and there was a white paper outside my door with my name written on it. I automatically know who it is that wrote it but is that who put it under my door. How did he get into my house? Eventually I suck in a deep breath and get up out of bed and decide to read the note.
Dear Janey,
I know I messed up and I am sorry that I hurt you so much more after what you just told me. I guess I was just angry because you didn't tell me right after you met me. I thought you trusted me. Right now it feels like you don't but instead of talking to you about it like I should have I was a jackass and kicked you out. I love you Janey. Please forgive me. You don't have to just yet. I know I hurt you pretty bad and I really am sorry. It's really hard to see someone you love so much go through so much pain and you aren't able to deal with it properly because you know that there is nothing you can do about it now. I know I took my anger out on you. Yes I am angry. Very angry in fact. Because the man, no the monster that did this to you deserves so much more than he is getting. He deserves to be hung, skinned, burned alive. Just straight out tortured. And I am mad at God for letting something so terrible happen to such a beautiful, pure, angelic woman such as yourself. I know that I don't know anything about the situation or how you felt or still feel but for what it's worth you would've been an amazing mother. I love you with all of my heart. If you just forgive me (which I don't deserve) we can get past this. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness Janey. But I love you. I am at Nick's if you care to see me. I would love to see you. I miss you.
Love always,
Your Joe
There are tears running down my face by the time I have finished with the letter. I know he didn't mean it. But that was hard for me to say but I am sure this letter was equally as difficult judging by the tearstains on the paper. I glance up at the clock 7:45 A.M. I decide to get up and make myself look half decent so I jump in the shower. Once through with the shower I apply a light shade of make-up and pull on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. I walk out of my bedroom and see Demi standing there with a small smile on her face. "You knew?" I ask. She nods and I know I should be angry with her but I'm not. "I'll be back later." I tell her. Once I reach the outside the sun is blinding so I pull the shades over my eyes from where they once rested on top of my head. I get into my car and make the short trip to Nick's. I noticed that Nick's mustang was parked back at my apartment but as I pull up at Nick's place now I see Joe's car. Hmm he must have driven Joe over when he was drunk the other day. I put the car in park and take a few deep breaths trying to calm my nerves. I get out of the car and walk the familiar path up to Nick's front door. I take another deep breath and knock. The door swings open and reveals a very disheveled Nick Jonas. His eyes are red and puffy. Looking as if he hasn't slept in days and his clothes are all wrinkled like he slept in them. I have no idea what has happened to make him look like this but it's kinda scary. "Janey?" His eyes as wide as saucers as if he can't believe I'm actually here. He pulls me into a tight bone crushing hug whispering "sorry" over and over in my hair. Then I feel something wet and pull away to see that Nick is crying. "Shh Nick it's ok. I forgive you." I tell him as I try to wipe away the tears from his face. "I never should h-have said that though." He says as he hiccups trying to calm himself down. "Not that I don't appreciate it but why are you here?" He asks. "I came to see Joe." I tell him. A look of fear crosses his face for a brief second before he nods and steps aside to let me in. I follow him in and see Joe sitting on the couch looking at the T.V. with a blank expression. It's really wierd. What is with these boys? I ask myself. "Joe? Someone is here to see you." He says. Joe looks up and when he sees me he blinks, then rubs his eyes, then blinks again. In one swift motion he is off the couch and squeezing the life out of me. I manage to pull him off of me then look him over. I take in his sad lifeless eyes and move downwards. When my eyes reach his arms, I gasp and suddenly everything makes sense. The wierd reaction from Nick. Everything. Right there on both of his arms are dozens and dozens of cuts all across arms.