Ultimate Spider-Man One Shots

I'm Here For You

Trigger warning for depression, suicidal thoughts, and attempted suicide:

It had passed the point of just recklessness. Of just trying too hard to save others without thinking of himself. And they had let it happen. It took him almost dying for them to realize something had gone seriously wrong.

Spider-Man was known as a happy-go-lucky jokester who was serious only when completely necessary. Boy were they wrong. Peter had never been farther from that in his life than he was right now. The truth is he hadn't been okay for a long time, but he'd always been one step ahead. Keeping himself busy so he never had enough time alone with himself to have to confront it. But now it had finally caught up to him.

Aunt May noticed Peter hadn't visited her in a while, but figured he was just busy with Spider-Man stuff.

Those at SHIELD Academy had noticed Spidey getting distant but didn't really discuss it all that much. Until the joke's stopped. That's when everyone kicked it into high gear to figure out what was going on. The heroes had secret meetings without Spidey knowing, and the agents talked as they went about their day. They couldn't figure out what was wrong. Nothing seemed to have changed. Life was going as usual in all aspects of Peter's life except Peter himself. So why had the famous Spider-Man lost his jokes?

...

Peter knew he shouldn't hurt himself, but he did it anyway. He knew he should care more about whether he lived or died, but he didn't. If he lived, he'd keep suffering through life as usual. If he died, he'd just deal with whatever comes after death. Couldn't be worse than life right?

The others had started to notice a dramatic increase in injuries on Spidey. They didn't think much of it, thinking he was just being a little reckless like usual and told him to be more careful. They thought that was the end of it.

...

Spider-Man was an idiot. Everyone knew that. But this was a whole new level of stupid. The team had told him to stay in the medbay. They told him they would handle it. What they did not tell him to do was run into a fight against the Sinister Six already having bullet and stab wounds from patrol the night before. At first they thought it was just Spider-Man being Spider-Man, but as he went down they could see a look of grim triumph on his face, and realized that something was seriously, seriously wrong.

Okay, so what what if Peter had stood on the edge of a rooftop the night before that happened and contemplated his own death? So what if he let himself get shot and stabbed on purpose? So what if he just ran into a fight hoping not to come out of it? He took the hits, giving out some too, but they were weak. And the villains noticed. As he took a final blow to the head and his vision started to go black, he couldn't help the pained smile that came on to his face. Maybe this was it. Maybe the struggle was finally over. He sure hoped so.

...

When Peter first regained consciousness he thought he had actually done it. He had escaped the torturing hell commonly known as life! Then the fog that seemed to be covering everything cleared and he realized he was back in the medbay. Damn it.

Danny was the first one to notice that Peter was awake. As soon as he said something the others were quick to jump in with rapidly fired questions. Was he okay? How was he feeling? Did he know how stupid what he had done was? Did he know how worried they were about him? Why did he do it? The barrage of questions came to an abrupt stop when they realized he had started crying.

Peter hadn't meant to hurt anyone. To make them worry. He just wanted out. Out of his own head. Out of the vicious cycle of great power and great responsibility that threatened to overwhelm him. He was so busy with his own guilt and fear that he almost didn't notice a pair of arms wrapping around him.

Ben had never really been one for hugs. Everyone knew that. Which is why they were so shocked that he had just pulled Spidey into one. Spidey hugged back, burying his face into Ben's shoulder while he cried and rambled about how sorry he was. In any other situation Ben would have complained about Peter getting his suit wet, but he knew now was not the time for sarcasm and jokes. Instead he hugged Peter tighter, rubbing the other spider's back in a comforting way. No words were spoken, but a message was still passed. "I'm here for you."