Quackity X Shrek Oneshots

christmas part 2

after alex left shrek's house, he didn't see him again for a while. alex was very heartbroken but he played it off by flirting with other men, like Thanos. to get over the green man of his dreams, he spent some time with thanos in a godless way.

however thanos was annoying because he wouldn't stop texting him every day

thanos: alex i miss you

thanos: alex

thanos: alex

thanos: okay bitch if youre gonna act like that you were nothing but a fucking gloryhole for me you mean nothing in my life. dont text me ever again, ho. you are such a gross slut go away block me :CCCCCCCCCC

thanos: alex u broke my heart D:

lmao gay: alex

but thanos' words struck a nerve in alex's heart. he noticed that was exactly how he felt towards shrek and he recognized himself in the purple man's harsh words. 

"i miss shrek," alex admitted to himself quietly. but nobody truly misses shrek. the thought of genuinely missing the gross ogre caused his stomach to churn. 

he tried to settle it by watching some good old fashioned karl jacobs on twitch but even once he stopped thinking about shrek, his stomach was still upset. he drank some sprite and ate some crackers in the hopes it would help and went back to twitch. it didn't

two hours later alex gets the urge to vomit and runs to the bathroom as fast as he can. he thinks about shrek the entire time he is throwing up, the green puke reminding him of his one and only true love.

alex took some pepto bismol and crawled into bed, crying himself to sleep that night.

when he wakes up, he has the worst headache of his life. it felt like a million tiny thanoses were punching the inside of his brain. he gets up to take some medicine and tries to make it through the day. however, he can't and sends a quick message in discord saying that he can't stream with the gang today.

karl sends back the usual DDDD: but alex has already fallen back asleep, exhausted from being sick.

after the third day of feeling like actual poop, alex drags himself to the doctor.  he tells her his symptoms and she nods thoughtfully, listening carefully. 

"ok so from what it sounds like you either have a cold, kidney failure, or you're pregnant." 

alex laughed. "ok well im definitely not pregnant and i can pee fine so i guess i have a cold."

"well we still want to make sure so go pee in this cup. its okay if you only get a little bit in" she tells him.

alex shamefully walks into the bathroom holding the pee cup and locks the door. 

he returns moments later with the cup filled to the very top with peepee. "i didn't spill any of it," he says, hoping the doctor will be proud of him.

"wonderful" she says through gritted teeth. she then exits the room, leaving alex alone with his thoughts. 

could he really be pregnant? no. he probably had a cold. probably. alex began to panic but he was interrupted by the doctor coming back in.

"okay good news and bad news. " alex made the sign of the cross 

"good news first: you don't have kidney failure, just a cold." 

"bad news, you're pregnant." 

alex felt his whole world crumble. how could he be pregnant? he always used protection-

wait. 

shrek

the bar

weeks ago

oh shit. 

wait and thanos

oops.

okay well maybe he was pregnant. but he didn't know if it was shrek or thanos that was the father.