𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 // 𝔥. 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯

VI. 𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴

I ran.

I ran as far away from Hermione as possible. She didn't make a move to stop me.

Now here I am sitting on the the train to go home, Hermione and Harry are seated in their compartment while I sit next to Luna and Cho. "Pandora? Are you alright? You can talk to us."

"Nothings wrong Luna don't worry about me please." 

She doesn't ask any more questions the entire train ride.

As we pull into Kings Crossing station all I can think about is how I ruined everything with Hermione. She probably won't even look at me anymore let alone speak to me. Cho hands me my trunk before departing to find her family. I still feel bad for her after losing Cedric. 

I send Luna an obviously fake smile before going to find Harry. I can already see Hermione with her parents, I just have to hope Harry didn't invite her to grimmauld place this break. Harry is on the opposite end of the platform, hugging my father. I begin to walk towards them, trying not to bump into anyone standing in the way of where I'm going.

"Hey dad!" His eyes light up once he catches sight of me, the only reason I didn't stay at Hogwarts and wallow in my own self pity is because of him. "Pandora darling how are you?" He pulls me into the biggest and probably tightest hug ever. 

"I'm good dad."

I'm not good dad.

~~

The car ride back to grimmauld place is not fun. Sometimes I wish dad wasn't a half blood, that way he wouldn't want to drive everywhere. I stare out the window, looking at all the trees and the sky. The sun is about to start setting, a beautiful sight. It reminds me of her.

We always watched it together. 

Stop thinking about her.

Fuck.

"-And Hermione is going to come round for Christmas if that's all right? She said she can come in two days, the day before Christmas."

I need to find somewhere else to stay now. Hermione isn't going to want to even be in the same room as me. And she has to share with me when she's here. Great. Just lovely. 

"That's perfectly fine Harry, I'm sure Pandora wouldn't mind sharing her room?" Thanks dad. 

"That's fine." I reply, probably sounding like one of those depressed teenagers in muggle films. I love those movies, Hermione used to show me them.

We pull into grimmauld place after twenty more minutes of useless conversations. I climb out of my seat and to the back of the car to grab my trunk from the back. My dad takes it out of my hands and places an arm around my shoulders. I lean into him as we walk into the house, I think I needed a hug from him.

Sirius has already greeted Harry by the time me and my father enter the house. "Well well Pandora, dressing more like me every time I see you." He smirks as he pulls me into a hug, not like my dads but still comforting. My outfit consists of a muggle band shirt and fishnets. 

"Are you guys hungry?" My father calls from the kitchen. Everyone shouts back a yes before going our separate ways to wait for him to prepare something,

~~

Dinner ended long ago. 

Since then I have been in my room, balling my eyes out. Something I haven't had the chance to do since I kissed her. Since I ruined everything. 

Once the mascara running down my face has dried and I don't think I could cry anymore, I decide to head down to the kitchen for some tea. Or maybe fire whiskey if I'm quiet enough. I grab a sweater and slip on some slippers, stuffing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in my pocket, I head down the stairs. I grab a glass from the kitchen and carefully pour a small amount of fire whiskey. I take the glass and head to the back porch of grimmauld place to smoke and probably feel bad for myself, again. 

When I walk onto the porch the sky is filled with stars. I take my usual seat and pull the pack of cigarettes out. Three left. The lighter barely still works, I could probably just use my wand once it's done for anyway. Cigarettes are a bad habit just like her. 

I don't hear the door to the porch open as silent tears fall down my face, once again messing up my makeup. I don't notice when someone sits down beside me until I feel a hand on my back. I still don't turn.

"Pandora?" Sirius is the one sitting next to me. I want so badly to tell him everything. I want so badly to tell him what I did. He wouldn't judge me. I tell him everything, so why am I scared to tell him this? Probably the same reason I'm scared to tell my dad. It's not normal.

"What's wrong with me Sirius?"

"Nothing Pandora, nothing. Talk to me." 

Sirius isn't the best at feelings, but he understands. 

"I can't tell you. I'm a sick freak."

"Pandora don't say that. What could you have possibly done to feel that way-"

"I KISSED HER!" 

It just slipped out. 

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Shit, he's gonna tell my dad.

"Fuck ignore what I just said." He still doesn't talk.

"Who did you kiss Pandora?"

I don't reply. I can't tell him I kissed Hermione Granger. 

"Dammit Pandora talk to me!"

"Hermione." I kissed Hermione. And I regret it, I regret it so much. Sirius doesn't talk, he just pulls a cigarette from my pack and lights it. Minutes pass and he doesn't talk. This is how conversations with Sirius go. It turns a way he doesn't expect so he sits. He sits and thinks about how to reply, creating such an awkward tension that it becomes unbearable. More time passes and he eventually wraps an arm around my shoulders, allowing me to cry into his chest. Once I start sobbing again, I can't stop. 

Eventually I have no tears left to cry. I lift my head from Sirius' chest to see him already looking down at me. I open my mouth to say something, to beg him not to tell my dad. But he cuts me off, "I won't tell him Pandora."

"Thank you."

"But I think you should. He would support you more than you understand."

"I think I might love her. And I feel sick for that."

"Pandora, the gender of the person you love doesn't matter." 

"It does when it's my best friend Sirius."