Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 32

Sydney's POV

    I pace back and forth in the lobby of Dawson's Development Corps office building. The secretary, Sandy I think is her name, has worked here for ages and has a scowl on her face as she stares me down clicking her pen over and over again. Apparently, she hates me too and we've only met twice. Great. You must make quite the impression Sydney. The inner dramatics of my mind keeps me company as my thoughts run wild.

    "Sandy! Where are those billing statements I asked you to copy?" I hear Mr. Dawson's booming voice coming from the doorway of his office, red-faced and agitated. I've never seen him look so distressed...maybe this tension with Brooks and him is being projected onto his employees...guess it makes sense for her to hate me if I'm the reason she's being bitched at like that daily.

    "They are right here Mr. Dawson." She says quietly but assuredly, not cowering under his harsh words but also not poking the bear.
    His eyes shift upward toward where I'm standing. I'm sure my face, eight shades of red, looks like a deer caught in headlights. A spark of anger flits behind his eyes. "Sydney."

    I feel like I've swallowed my own tongue when I stutter out, "Hi...Mr. Dawson, I uh...I was hoping...well, I was hoping, I could talk to you for a moment." I let go of the breath I was apparently holding.

    "I'm very busy." He says, obviously not wanting to give me the time of day.

    "I know, and I'm sorry for bothering you at work. I wanted to talk to you about well...about Brooks." I look at the floor, and even though my words are coming out smoother the intensity of his stare is making me nauseous.

    "Fine. As long as it will be quick." And he turns sharply walking back into his office leaving the door open for me to follow.

    I feel like I could pee my pants, or that I'm taking a walk of shame across the lobby. My feet not moving as quickly as I tell them to I see a glimmer of encouragement behind Sandy's eyes but it's gone as quickly as it appeared.

    I slowly walk into the lion's den and take a seat at the brown leather chair facing the mahogany desk Mr. Dawson sits behind staring at me with his arms crossed and a look of disinterest on his face.

    "So...I'm sorry." I cower, not having as much strength in my words as Sandy did. "For whatever it is that made you dislike me so much, Mr. Dawson." I roll my fingers anxiously over my necklace, my pulse is quickening and there is a drip of sweat at the base of my neck under my sweater.

    "Sydney. Let me be clear. It is not that I dislike you. I think you are a nice enough girl that has always been a good friend to my daughter." He clears his throat. "But my reasoning for not wanting this relationship to be pursued any further is that I have always envisioned the life that my children would lead. Brooks has been driven and determined to finish school and come home to help me run this business. Settle down and take on the responsibilities that we have prepared him for by giving him rules and expectations to live by..."

    Before he can finish my nerves getting the best of me the words start mumbling and tumbling from my mouth before I can stop them, "It's not like he proposed? We're just dating..." The butterflies in my stomach feel more like butter knives but they push me to continue. "I don't understand how that can derail his whole future just by DATING someone." I'm looking into his eyes now my chest heaving.

    "Because I see the way my son looks at you and Sydney you have no idea what you want for your future. You have no idea where your life is going and that may be okay for you and for your life but that is not what I want for my son. He has obligations and responsibility to this family, OUR family." Fury fills his eyes, he's obviously not used to someone engaging in battle with him but it's all just so unfair.

    I stand from the chair, tears pricking my eyes. "I love him Mr. Dawson and I would never hold him back from your family or the obligations he has to this company but I also want what's best for Brooks and I think he has proved that he is a good enough person to be able to decide that for himself. No matter where that may take him or lead us I just want him to be happy and right now I make him happy! Why can't you see that? Why can't you see that I'm not trying to change the plans you have for him I just want to be a part of them?" I choke on the words.

    "Again Sydney, I see the way he looks at you and the fire you carry with your presence. You are the type of girl he would give it all up for. To follow you wherever your fleeting dramatics may lead and he won't hesitate to give this up for you." He motions his hands around the walls of the office. "He won't have the best of both worlds he will just have your world and that my dear is not the way he was raised." The sternness in his voice sends shivers down my spine.

It's no wonder Layla and Brooks have never questioned him before. I gulp down the tears. I will not cry in front of him. I refuse.

    "You're wrong." I can hardly get the words out but then once again just like someone who has broken the damn they start coming out in waves. "I wouldn't let him give it all up to be a part of my world. If we create a life together it will be for both of us. If it's here, in Louisville, or somewhere else in the world! I will not let him lose himself. I won't. I love him too much for that and you don't even know me well enough to know what I would or wouldn't allow." I take a deep breath. " I wanted to come here to apologize to try and make amends to make you understand that this can work. You can have your son and him and I can have our relationship. It doesn't have to be one or the other but you just won't listen." I throw my hands in the air.

    "I'm a lot older than you Miss Graves, and I think that my time on this earth has earned me a little more perspective than you. My son will eventually choose the right path. He will eventually realize that no matter how much you say you love him, his family will always love him more. Whatever this is that you two share will only last for so long before its newness wears off and when it does, Brooks will see it clearly. As his father, I know what is best for my son and you, my dear, are not it. My mind will not be changed."

 I'm stuck speechless at his declaration, the waves of fear inside of me that I try so hard to ignore are blaring loudly in my ears at the words...Whatever this is that you two share will only last for so long...I feel a pang of hurt strike my heart, a part of me believing he's right. Without saying another word I pick my bag up off the floor and walk out of his office past Sandy not making eye contact, and to my car. I shut the door and laid my head against the steering wheel as the tears finally broke free.