I Don't Eat CupCakes (wattys2015)

Chapter Four

"It all started in freshman year. I was just starting high school and there were finally cute guys but I didn't pay much attention to them because I wanted to focus on my school work. And it's not like anybody liked me. Except you of course, your my best friend. But then in the middle of the school year Adam started paying attention to me. He wanted to be my friend but I just ignored him. He was hot and the first guy to pay attention to me but I knew he was player. Everyone knew it. But then we started hanging out one day and he was being nice to me and the night that he kissed me I knew I liked him.

And maybe even more.

Then summer came and we were never apart and it was just the best months of my life. I was on cloud nine."

I smile at the memory of the time he took me on my date to a carnival. I've never had that much fun in my life. But that was near the time when he started to change. And I wasn't smiling or laughing anymore.

"But then school started again and he just... changed. He was acting like a totally completely other person. He wasn't the Adam I knew. He was looking at other girl and he was wanting more than just kissing me. But I thought he would change back to what he was like he changed before. But that didn't happen. He started calling me fat. He was going with other girls to parties and I just wanted to feel special again so I started eating less. But it wasn't working he just kept being who he was. He was still calling me fat and ugly and so I stopped eating all together. He was slowly turning me anorexic." I feel the tears coming and it's blurring my vision now. But I don't wan to cry about him. He was put in jail and even though he's back in my life I can't let him take control over me again. Its hard for me and bringing all these memories back isn't helping but I have to finish my story. I have to tell Tifanny what I've been going through. Its not fair that I hadn't told her before. She's my best friend. I was just too selfish to think about her at the time.

"But I couldn't leave him he already had control over me. He was hurting me, Tiffany. In more ways than one. And I didn't know who or how to tell anyone what was happening to me. So I didn't say anything. I just let him make me feel weak and control me like his little puppet doll.

It wasn't until one day he was kissing me and touching me everywhere that I knew I had to do something. He wanted to rape me and I couldn't stop him. I was weak and he was way bigger and stronger than me. All I could do was cry for help and wait for someone to save me. Pray for some one to save me. Hope for some one to save me. And that's how I met Eric. He just came, broke the door down and pushed Adam off of me. He broke his nose but I stopped the fight. We called the cops and he was put in jail. But everything was done secretly. I didn't want everyone to look at me differently I wanted to forget everything and that couldn't happen if everyone was looking at me with sympathy." I sniff and wipe my eyes a little.

"Anyways, Eric saved me. He stopped Adam from rapping me and I just fell in love with him because of what he did for me. But it turned out that he was just like him. At first he made me believe that he was my knight in shining armor but all he was was a copycat of Adam. He made me loose weight. He made me use the knife to cut myself. He was worse than Adam at one point. But who would believe me if I said that Eric was also doing the things Adam did to me? They wouldn't believe me if I was claiming that another guy was hurting me. The Girl who cried rape, again. So I just let it be. I let him do things to me like I let Adam. And I couldn't fight for myself I was weaker than before. And I don't think there was anyone else to save me.

So I broke up with him, Tiffany. But I don't think things are over. He's gonna want me to come back to him and I might let him. He saved me. I can't just leave him. I can't."

I broke down on the bathroom floor as Tiffany holds me and I feel her tears on my shoulder because we're both crying for me.

"We have to tell someone, Diane. We have to put that bastard in jail so he can't hurt you again." She sniffs and I grab the tissues.

"Why are you crying?" I don't understand. She wanted to know what was wrong with me. Now that I've told her the truth does she not want to be my friend anymore? Is it too much to handle? Is she ashamed to be with me Now that I told her everything? I think I've lost her when I need her the most.

"Because all this has been going on to my best friend and I didn't know so I couldn't do anything for you. He hurt you and I wasn't there to help you to save you like you need saving from those two sick, sick men." I smile. Tifanny is the best. I can't believe I even doubted her for a second. But can you blame me? I've been betrayed before. It wouldn't be the first time someone has left me to rot. Like my dad for example. But he can go to hell. My mother doesn't need him. And I certainly don't need him. Not now. Not ever.

"Its my fault, Tiffany. I should have said something. At least to you. But I can't leave him." I don't know how to.

"It's OK. I understand. Just promise me you won't go back to him. Promise me." My pinky curls with hers.

"I promise." Lie.

*****

That promise was broken the next week.

He came back for me after school on Friday.

"I know you didn't really break up with me at the party, right? I must of heard wrong."

"I'm so sorry," my eyes start to tear. "I was on... my period! I'm sorry. I was a little jealous too. You don't pay attention to me that often anymore." I lied. Because it's what I do everyday in order to survive without another broken heart that I have to bandage over and over again and maybe not just my heart I have to fix. I shed too many tears and I don't like that. Even if it's in the dark where no one can see me, see how much pain I'm in. Or in the shower where no one can hear my cries. No one can see my pain. They can't see I'm weak.

Satisfied with my answer his anger evaporated. "Just don't do it again. I won't be as forgiving."

"Thank you." I peck his cheek.

"And if you wanted more attention all you had to do was tell me. I have some things I can do with you in mind." He winks at me and chuckles at his own sick thoughts and I shudder. I don't want to know what he thinks he can do to me. I really really don't. But I don't say anything and forget about how much I want to throw up and instead kiss him goodbye and walk home.

Again the walk exhausts me and I slow down my pace. Thank god my book bag isn't so heavy. I sit down on the curb and then I feel a presence. I feel like somebody's watching me so I turn around and freeze.

Adam is back.