My Song For You [JJK]

XIX

Watching him leave was hard but not being able to run up to him and hold him back was harder. How could I let him leave? Why does it even matter if he leaves? Why did my heart bleed seeing him struggle to hold his emotions back? 

He steps on the accelerator and rushes off without giving me a second look and with him gone completely out of my life, all I could do was cry. 

And that's what I did, I cried till I was out of breath and no more tear could slip off; till my feelings were bare and out in open for everyone to see; till I couldn't feel the pain anymore and darkness swallowed me whole.

Just what did we become to each other in such a short amount of time?

I wake up in cold sweat, not minding it too much for it has become a habit. I used to sleep like a rock, now I'm thankful that I get 5 hours of sleep a day.

I do my morning routine as usual and rush to my workplace, a half eaten sandwich in my hand. As I near the cubicle, I see my morning coffee sitting neatly upon the wooden desk. I smile and thank the old man internally, He never forgets my daily doze of caffeine. 

Slipping out of my coat and bag, I take my laptop out and start working on the story that I've recently been going nowhere with. God, How hard is it come up with a good climax?! (Again, I hear you all dirty minded people, for fuck's sake get some holy water!)

Hours pass by as I type and erase my work, and I find myself getting lost in a daydream slowly.

"Fuck!" I hear him groan in frustration from the other side of the door.

The tingling sensation of his lips on mine doesn't go as I lean my body onto the wall, taking a seat on the top of the stair case. A lone tear escapes my eyes and I wipe it off immediately.

"This is for the best. I'm not a cheater, I can't do this to Yoongi." I whisper to myself, nodding my head at nothing.

A tinge of pain pokes my heart at the remembrance of Yoongi. I kissed another man when I was betrothed to another. How could I do this? Didn't I love Yoongi so how...? Have I become one of those people who toy around with other's feelings?

What is this that I feel towards Jungkook? Is it just because of gratitude? or did my feelings change?

A shaky sigh makes its way out of my mouth and I stand up and walk downstairs. I knock at my parents' bedroom door and when I hear a faint yet firm, "Come in", I go in quietly and wrap myself around my mother and cuddle her to sleep.

I foresee a storm coming, a storm that is bound to flip my world outside down, which will force me to make tough choices but at least for tonight, I want my mother's arms to comfort me and bring me peace. 

"Y/N-ah! I made lunch, come eat!" The old man's calling wakes me up from my slumber and I walk over to the back room to see the same old man that I saw years ago. This time though, He has a wide smile on his face and a worn out apron wrapped around his lean body.

I smell cold noodles and salivate. The old man chuckles at my reaction and hands me a pair of chopsticks and the bowl. I thank him for the food and slurp the noodles in with kimchi as the side dish.

"How's the book coming along?" He asks in between bites and I wave my hand in the air, "I'm still stuck. I just don't know how to end it!"

"Are you sure this place is okay for you? There are other places where you could work. So why in the middle-"

"In the middle of nowhere? Haraboji, Am I a burden to you? I playfully ask, knowing it'll get him all flustered.

"No, of course not! It's just that I feel bad for you. You're wasting your youth in a town that nobody even remembers anymore. It's abandoned and you don't even make much." He justifies with a sympathetic smile.

After sorting things out with Yoongi, I couldn't get myself to go back to Busan. I broke many hearts and made a lot of people sad, So I just couldn't go back home to live a comfortable life. And it's not like I had any purpose left anyway.

So I took the same train and somehow ended up here again. The old man, Mr. Han, recognized me and was kind enough to offer me a place to stay. A couple of weeks in and I told him the whole story that he patiently listened to.

He suggested me to stay here for some time to get my mind off of things but I ended up staying here for the past 3 years. I manage the inn now and reside on the upper floor. Mr. Han had the upper floor renovated into a small apartment for me.

"It's peaceful." I mumble with stuffed cheeks and he sighs.

"Your friends and family must be missing you." He reminds and I shake my head negatively, "I hurt them, They're all better off without me."

"What about Jungkook?" His same old husky voice asks and I'm reminded of the time when I first met him with Jungkook by my side. Not much has changed around here since then, except that I managed to make this place a little more livable. 

My heart aches at the mention of his name and I swallow hard. Gulping down the water right after.

"I hurt him too."

"You were just confused. Things like this happen in life, child. You can't hold on to your mistakes forever. It's more important to forgive yourself than forgiving others." Mr. Han says, his voice laced with kindness and undoubted experience. 

He's right. And I know and acknowledge that fully but sometimes it's harder to do what you already know and believe. I simply mumble a small 'Thank you' and walk over to the sink to wash the dishes.

After getting the dishes done, I slump back onto my chair at the cubicle and flip open my laptop.

The small bell at the door jingles, indicating someone's rare arrival.

On reflex, my eyes get diverted towards the fairly handsome man at the door and the word "Welcome" dies down in my throat as I register the male's appearance. Our eyes meet instantly and the raging storm inside me shudders to a stop.

After three whole years, It has finally ceased. The dark storm of my confused emotions.

[A/N]: Kimchi is a Korean Dish and 'Haraoji' means Grandpa in Korean.