Behind The Walls

Preface

Anagapesis 

(n.) no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved

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I hadn't given much thought as to whether I would love again. How could I? I had many reasons not to. Love is a foolish thing. Fantasized from the very start. I, even from the start, had not had the best experience with the whole spectrum of love. How we experience love and other major things in our childhood sets the tone for how we receive love later on in our lives. Any kind of trauma, no matter how big or how small, can make it much harder for us to accept love from even the most loving of partners and we may not always be aware that these kinds of problems are taking place within us when we start engaging with others on an emotional and intimate level. But the Angel Moreau I know doesn't get opportunities for love. Who could love someone like that, who is represented in every household as the creature who is unloved, worthless, and resented? Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself, love is what you've been through with somebody, love is not only something you feel, it is something you do. The best proof of love is trust, but what happens when you can't trust anymore? I knew in the back of my mind if he were to see my true face, he would leave and never come back. 

Am I evil for promoting the extinction of humanity? Even though it's to save my family from the issues of poverty. Am I evil for eliminating another human? Even though it's to save another soul to stay human. Gathering my thoughts I play the aspects of all evil. From a man to a woman, to a child, and then the people. I feel like this cycle of despair becomes more stagnant. Even though we evolve, but do the unfortunate event state that. Whose an angel or a demon was I made in the image of God. But given the mentality of the Devil, that equation doesn't seem to be odd, because I agree with my alter ego, she is unfortunate. Cast out of the world to maintain the relevance of all the fortunate. Am I evil for thinking the Devil had an instinct of any soul? Because we all want to change, but the majority always hold hope. Am I evil for stating people are so attached to religion? Even though religion leads to wars that affect people's decisions. Am I evil for not forgiving the man that killed my soul? Because I don't see why I have to cry for someone who's then a dead one. I might be heartless, but I heard that's what makes me stronger. Though if you have a heart, your mind becomes broader. Tell me why, why do people think death possesses good and evil. Didn't God state it's evil but he brought a plague on the Egyptian People? Just because they didn't follow his beliefs, God what's the disease. Maybe humans were never meant to travel to find a pure heart. Sometimes I think we're all demons finding a way to prove ourselves. Sometimes I think there are no angels that we're left to help ourselves. Am I evil for thinking that, maybe you erase our memories? Because it was the only way to get people to hear your mind's melody. Am I evil for confronting the Devil to seek success? Even though I live on a meal, anointed by the unfortunate regrets. So many people choose darkness because there are limited reasons to follow the light, you must see this as our hearts change like the seasons. It's our fault, Satan I'm sorry, we influenced these events. Disease profits the doctors, conflict profits the soldiers' presence. Then people blame you, while it's the population's fault. The poor can't see the bigger picture while they're trapped in a depression's box. Am I evil for ending humanity in a second? Just for people to rest in peace because the next generation will suffer, will you accept it? Or so the population will stop living under the pressure of work. Since we all aim to rest, I'm just granting the necessities' perks. Tell me why, why do there have to be two outcomes in an event? Though I have come across a path that brought a third outcome's essence. I'm still liquidizing its essence, maybe it's the solution, to get drunk off its ingredients, leading to the threshold's conclusion. Am I evil for idolizing my mother to be? Or my father that found horror because they are the tangible assets I need. Though if I never knew you I wonder where I would be. Maybe longing for your Holy water to drown all my evil deeds.