Rubatosis
(n) the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat
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I was lying in my bed when I heard a faint rap rap rap on my window. I climbed off my bed and walked over to the window to figure out the subject of the noise. I looked out of my foggy window to see, much to my surprise, Edward waving and smiling brightly down below. I smiled back and opened my window.
"What are you doing down there?"
"Back up," He told me with a handsome grin etched on his face, ignoring my previous question
"Wait, wh-" before I could finish, he jumped into my open window, landing with a perfect 10/10 onto the rug. I rolled my eyes at his cockiness but hugged him anyway. He immediately wrapped his cold arm around my body and leaned in to smell my hair. He inhaled my hair while I buried my face in his chest.
"I missed you" he mumbled in my hair. I nodded, but my actions were- muffled his shirt. I dropped my arms to my side once I came to my senses, acting like a lovesick schoolgirl, pathetic. I pulled him to my bed and pulled his hands into mine.
"I'm trying," he whispered, his voice pained. "If it gets to be... too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."
I scowled. I didn't like the talk of leaving. Too many memories. Too many people. Too much leaving. It didn't matter if it was hard or easy, fun or scary, they all left.
"And it will be harder tomorrow," he continued. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."
"Don't go away, then," I responded
"That suits me," he replied, his face relaxing into a gentle smile.
"Bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. He laughed his quiet,
musical laugh. He'd laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd spent with him.
"You seem more... optimistic than usual," I observed. "I haven't seen you like this before."
"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" He smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it
the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"
"Very different," I agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."
"For example" — his words flowed swiftly now — "the emotion of
jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me..." He grimaced.
" If we are lucky enough, every, one of us, experience love at a moment." I smiled, looking off into the night sky. In ancient times, men use magical symbols above the night sky for navigation. These star patterns saved a lot of lives in old age. Some stars fade and some shine like a glowing light bulb. Each of them has its unique shape, level of brightness, and size. Some stars are bigger than others and showing they are the king of stars. Sometimes, many stars appear at once above the dark somber sky, and they look like rice grains flowing above out into the galaxy, into the alien world and feed them. As we watch these dust-like particles slowly swimming above our heads, we begin to raise our hands and wanting to touch them. I shook my head to clear myself of the daydream and flickered my eyes to Edward who had been watching me intently.
YOU ARE READING
Behind The Walls
Romance~*Life is miserable and sad because we exist in space & time. As animals, we have to keep on the move to find sustenance, but as highly conscious animals that means we always miss what we had, idealize what we could have had, and hope for what we co...
