A Reason To Live | ✔️

Chapter Sixteen

Mature scene marked with * before and after so you can skip if you want.

Zander and I sit at the table, he is eating the salad that I asked for but I'm not really hungry anymore so I just move my food around the bowl.

"Eat Freya," Zander says, my eyes jump up to find him looking at me.

"I'm not hungry," I mumble to him as I lean back in the chair.

I can hear a sigh escape his mouth as he sets his fork down, "What's going on Freya?"

I shake my head as I look at my hands in my lap, biting my bottom lip.

"Freya, talk to me. Come on, you've been doing so good, what changed?" He is right, I have been doing good, I have even found myself smiling and laughing just a little more than before every day. 

"Everything," I find myself whispering the answer. His fingers press against my chin, raising my tear-filled eyes up to meet his.

"I don't understand." There's a softness in his voice and the walls around me start to shake, threatening to fall.

I fight against the collapse, hoping the walls will hold out just a little while longer. I can't break, not yet, not now.

I can feel the tears start to fall from my eyes as we stare at each other. His fingers move from my chin to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

I don't know what to do, what to say. I can't say what I'm thinking, that he makes me want to live, that I care about him more than I can even admit to myself, that I'm terrified that the moment I'm all stitched back together he will leave, or that the moment I voice my everything he will be gone.

So instead I stand up quickly, knocking the chair I'm sitting in over causing it to crash to the floor before I run out of the back door of the house.

Tree's surround Zander's backyard and there is no fence so I just run and run, the sound of Zander's voice calling my name over and over behind me as the tears fall down my cheeks.

I can't look back, I can't risk seeing him standing on his porch or chasing after me.

I run until I can't run anymore. A scream that comes from my chest flows out of my mouth as I collapse to the ground on my knees as the walls around me collapse and crumble.

I sit on the ground, unmoving, trying to find the strength to get up.

It isn't until the rain starts falling from the sky that I finally stand up and slowly walk back to the house. 

I am soaked from the rain as I reach the edge of the woods, Zander's home comes into view. I can see him standing on the porch, his head down and the rain falling on him.

I take a step forward and he looks up in my direction as I move towards him; he walks down the steps of his porch and as soon as he hits the grass I take off running.

The walls that have been holding me back are gone and all I want is to feel his touch against my skin. I have lost all control and I don't care anymore.

I jump into his arms, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist as I press my lips to his, my fingers tangling in his hair. His arms wrap around me tightly as one of his hands makes its way into my hair.

I hear the sound of a door slamming shut and I pull away from Zanders's lips, pressing my forehead against his, our breathing fast and hard. "Why did you run away?"

I can't answer him, the second I say any of the words out loud they become real. My walls may be down but the fear is still there, still holding me back from saying things. "Freya, tell me what's going on, please." I can hear the pleading in his voice at his words.