dear first love,

depression

i would describe it as a strong, heavy river..the one your parents always tell you not to get too close to.

It feels like i'm walking upstream through a current strong enough to pull me under four times over.
there are other people with me, but they are walking along the banks telling me to "just get out of the water."
instead of extending a hand to help, they leave me behind. every once in awhile i find a rock that is strong enough for me to lean on, and i can rest for a short time. but the rocks can never hold me forever, and when they let go i'm left drowning, thrown 100 feet back again.
nothing is harder than standing up in that current, when everything in you is telling you how much easier it would be to just let yourself get dragged under.

i almost let go.