Hello

💀

I make suicide jokes with my transsister/brother and he doesn't understand that I want to actually die he thinks I'm joking like I showed him a video of a anime character falling of a building and told him how peaceful it would be just to let go and how when I die I want it to be like that because the relief of mental pressure and thinking how it will all be over once I hit the ground.no extra pain just peace.he laughed and said I wouldn't have the guts to.

It hurts me to know when I die he'll feel bad for saying that but he'll know why I did it.ive always pretended everything is fine but I've always wished I could just end it.ive never been good at anything not like they are.
Bro-smart and has good future
Sis-has self-love and is always truly happy 
Mom- is getting better and having a good supporting family
Dad-has friends,and doing the things he loves
Me- has no friends and cry's self to sleep thinking how fucking useless I am how if I died there'd be no more pain

It's funny ya know if I die I won't feel anything,but they will they lose their baby girl who just wanted to be happy and just wanted to be proud of herself.they learn how depressed I am and how when I asked for help I wasn't joking around.why I lay around for hours in my room and avoid them.why I think the horrible things I could do to myself just to feel something other than sadness.why when they open my notebooks they see words of how I see myself sentences of how if I died they'd be happy.

I'm literally crying while writing this,if you see this don't mind it I just feel better typing stuff and posting it