Hello

as of now

We'll I have this drawing book but I can't draw so I write the things my head tells me daily once again writing terrible things that are true and then after I was thinking how I could kill myself I was probably going to do it but I went on here and looked up reasons not to die I found one and read some chapters.and now I think I'm a little better but it said to tell others so they can help you but my family won't understand they never do.i was in my room earlier and my mom came in yelling about how much of a mess it was(like I know I just don't have the motivation to clean it I barely get up in the morning and she wants me to have everything perfect)the story also said that if I died they would feel bed and be mad that I didn't try to get help.i can't get help it costs money and we don't have much money anymore and mom is sick and getting worse she's been going to the hospital all the time now she went three times this week only.let them be mad I didn't ask them for help they wouldn't care they would say I just want attention and yell at me.

They compare me to my siblings.

Bish it's been 4 hours still crying and wishing my mom will come in my room so I can talk to her and tell her and make her understand.
I'm fucking dying over here thinking of how to kill myself, I feel like shit rn
Probably need mental help 😀 °~° bish I just thought if I died I couldn't eat but eh I haven't eaten much in the last 2 weeks the most I ate was a chicken sandwich and nuggets today.sadly I'll live but hey that's not the best way to go