How can I love you?

Searching for gems in the wrong place

Let me ask you (the reader) a question: what are you exactly looking for in a partner? Do you have a checklist in your mind that you hope that any time you come across someone you find interesting, you hope to cross things off that list because they meet these standards that you have set? Where do these standards come from? These are questions for people who've either never been in a serious relationship or never dated before or is just getting out a relationship/marriage and is making a list to have in place for the next person who tries to be their next lover. It's never a problem to have standards in your life because standards are what we need to protect ourselves from whatever had hurt us in the past plus we don't want to waste our time investing into someone that doesn't fit the criteria that we've set; question is do you fit your own standards? You want a man/woman (whatever you prefer) to meet these standards but are you really sure you're able to give the same energy back? Also another thing, you may meet someone who fit the list and then you go out with them on dates and everything seem beautiful during the moment of blossoming emotions but what happens when you really get to know this individual? Just because the pictures looks right doesn't mean that it is, but then people tend to still deal with the person when they show their true colors and now you're looking dumb and a fool. You've passed up on good men/women or decent ones who may not fit your standards but they may have things to offer that would benefit you in the long run or teach you something that'll make you question those standards that you have set. However society set the stage to control what things should be in your life and your love life, including the people or person that raised you or taught you what they know. We hope for each person we invest in to be this idea of what we think a man/woman should be; which really is taking away their ability to show us what they can be, show us their potential, their flaws, their strengths and weaknesses. It can take away from their ability to grow because we're hoping they become whatever we got planned in our mind for what we want our future husband/wife to be. Are you really searching for a soulmate? A long term lover? Or are you hoping to meet this fantasy person that you make up in your mind and hope this fantasy person make you happy? That's a true question that should be answered within yourself. Everyone want happiness in life with someone, even the hardest dude on the block does too, but we have to stop placing such a high standard on people we've never met in life because we're not allowing them to present their true self to us, we're telling them what our standards are and then we fuck around and meet their representative instead of the actual individual. I hope that made sense to you. I'm not just speaking to you but I'm speaking to you and myself about this because we all do this, that's why we miss out on chances to find the right person for us. We miss that opportunity and it's our fault that it happens. If you want to sit on your high horse then fine, that's your business, no judgment coming from me, but understand this, you're more prone to meet somebody's representative than who they actually are because someone will try to fake who they are just to be with you and they don't know you at all or half of anything about you because you're in defense mode, trying to protect yourself while having them reveal themselves to you just so they can prove something while you're not proving anything. You won't find the right gems in the right places if you act like that. Stay blessed. Peace.