A Little Time to Get to You

it goes both ways

The second Ricky and I get to his house, he pulls me up the stairs into his bathroom. I want to protest, it didn't make much sense as to why that was the first place we'd go, but my head was spinning and being back in his house for the first time in nearly half a year had my mind particularly occupied.

"My dad took the night shift at work so he won't be home." Ricky murmurs, flicking on the light to the bathroom that connected to his bedroom. I nod slowly and watch as he bends down, opening the cabinet below the sink to pull out what looked like a small wash bin. He places it on the counter before looking down at me for the first time since we got here. "Can I?" He asks, and I glance down to where he's holding two hands out, just inches from my waist. "Wha-" I try to get out but my head continues to spin and Ricky picks me up anyway, sitting me on top of his bathroom counter. He hands me the blue wash bin before grabbing a washcloth off of a shelf and maneuvering behind my body to dampen it. "What's this?" I ask, shaking the bin that he gave me gently, but before he can answer, a wave of nausea comes over me and I'm hovering over it. "Oh" I murmur when the feeling passes and Ricky smiles a little. "Exactly" he laughs but before I can smile as well, the wave of nausea returns and I'm just waiting for the disgusting moment to occur. I feel one of Ricky's hands move to my back, drawing soothing circles into my spine as he waits to make sure I'm okay. The thin fabric of my dress allows for me to feel his touch more eminently and I shiver as I relax.

When we both notice that I wouldn't be throwing up, he brings the wet wash cloth that he was holding up to my face. "Wait what are you doing?" I ask, recoiling a little, suddenly tensing back up. Ricky smiles and gives me a defeated expression. "I'm taking your makeup off so that you don't have to sleep with it on." He explains before bringing the soft material to my cheek. Using his other hand, he caresses my face as he drags the rag over my eyes and my forehead, becoming much more gentle when he reaches my nose. "How's the injury?" He asks quietly and I furrow my eyebrows. "The what?" I ask and he waves me off. "I'll ask in the morning." He chuckles before dragging the wash cloth down the rest of my skin.

When he's decided he's done a good enough job, he places the wash cloth on the side of the sink and reaches for me so that he can bring me down off the counter. The second my feet touch the ground though, I sway into him and close my eyes tightly. One of his hands pries the wash bin out of my hands while the other supports my waist.

"It's hard to be here sometimes." I mumble, barely incoherently. I notice Ricky's full attention is on me now and he's bending down just a little to scan my face. "Where Nins?" He asks gently. I shrug. "I don't know. Just here. Being alive." I say and Ricky's grip tightens on me just a little. "Don't say that Nini" he whispers and I shrug again. "I know that I shouldn't. It just feels hard when everyone I love feels so far away from me. I sometimes just wanna disappear." I admit before swaying again, resting my cheek against his shoulder. Ricky lets out a breath before bringing both of his arms around me, supporting my body completely in what felt like a suspended safe place. "You are very loved Nini, and I promise I'm working on proving it." He promises me, but I don't get much of a chance to answer, because I'm lulled under, beginning to doze against his shoulder.

The funniest part is he didn't even seem to mind.

***

I wake up the next morning with a splitting headache that traveled all the way down my neck, and freezing cold air hitting my bare skin.

My bare skin?

My heart stops as I fling the thin blanket that was covering me, off of my body, trying to survey whether or not I was as naked as I felt. I breathe a sigh of relief when I note that I still have my thin dress on, it just had traveled up my legs and down my chest over night.