A Little Time to Get to You

the words that I can't say yet

The hours stretching between mine and Ricky's little talk that he wanted to have felt like an eternity.

To make matters worse, my mind wouldn't stop running about the day we had already had.

He and I kissed. It had felt like no time had passed. My heart clenches at the memory and I shake my head.

I still had no clue what we were, what he was thinking, and whether or not we could ever truly be the same.

He ignored the deepest words that could have ever fallen out of my mouth for him, and he ran into other relationships instead.

Granted, that was this past summer. And everything seemed different now. But that history was there, and like it or not, it was very conflicting and near-impossible to ignore.

***

Walking to the park that Ricky and I were meeting at, I take my time. I left my house much earlier than I should've, with my nerves were higher than ever, and the pounding of my heart. With the setting sun and the darkening sky though, it provided a calm environment to collect my thoughts and I strolled slowly until I reached the park entrance.

I take a deep breath as I walk to the spot I hadn't been to in nearly half a year, the deepest part of the park that sat up slightly on a hill. At night, the stars were the brightest, when the wind blew it swayed the flowers just enough to make it look like a scene out of a fairytale, and it was the most private part of the entire park. I couldn't count the amount of times that Ricky would take me here just to make out with me, or the amount of times I'd bring him here just so that I could talk to him and vent. It was our spot, and even through all of my confusion, I still found it sweet that this is where he chose to talk to me.

My heart begins to pound a little faster when I notice a figure already sitting on the grass, hunched over but clearly staring into the distance at the flowers we loved to watch.

Ricky was early, which meant he was nervous too.

I take a deep breath and clutch the blanket that I had brought to my chest, gaining the courage to walk the rest of the way towards him.

He hears me approach and turns his head, giving me a shy smile. "Hi there" I say quietly, a smile forming on my own lips. His eyes sparkle and my stomach flutters, just like it did when we were together.

He watches me carefully, no doubt waiting for me to sit next to him, and I gain a little courage, unfolding the blanket I brought and draping it over his shoulders before sitting down next to his body. He looks surprised but his smile grows a little more and I bump our arms together.

"Remember the time you taught me to skate board here because you thought it'd be less dangerous on the grass?" I ask and Ricky laughs, turning to glance at the side of my face. "Yeah and then we found out there was an incline and..." I giggle at the memory and shake my head. "It was a little too late." I finish for him. He grins, lifting a hand and placing it on my knee. His thumb rubs against my bone before he pulls away. "You still have the scar to this day." He says and I smile, shaking my head. "We were so stupid." He laughs quietly at my words and pulls the blanket that I put around his shoulders a little tighter around his body. "Still are." He mumbles and I turn to scan his face. "Speak for yourself, I haven't fallen, tripped or stumbled in months." I giggle and Ricky rolls his eyes, his smile becoming just a little smaller.

"I don't know how you're talking to me right now, after what I did in May." He says and my own smile slips, my happiness sobered up completely from the switch in topic. I bite my lip and take my time in responding. "I've decided that things happen for a reason. That's what I told you a couple weeks ago. So when you accept that, then you just kinda know deep down, everything is going to be alright." I say and I watch as Ricky nods, turning his gaze so that he was staring straight ahead again.