The Moon I Become and other Poems

Until the Fondest Kills Me

If I were given by the universe this one chance
to be happy way beyond my deserving,
I would rather keep coming back to those moments
I was with you.

I would hit the replay button so many times to that time
we both wrote our names on a piece of paper
as who's our special someone, way back in college.
I kept that paper along with the bookmark that you also gave me.

You are beautiful,
and I am not going to be tired looking at you.
From that day on, I desired to make you stay,
until the fondest kills me
I want to be happy, let me be this happy, again.

I would keep on repeating those memories
in my head,
just like quotable lines from movies –
turning my repeat all option on,
the moment I wake up until I fall asleep.

I would keep on replaying those
until the stars from the night sky are all discovered;
until a man would ever step on the very depths of an ocean;
until the fondest kills me
I want to be happy, over and over again.

I would keep coming back to that night
you texted me to fetch you up.
Passed 11 pm and it was extremely cold.
I was not able to see you from this terminal,
as there were a lot of passengers went to and fro.
But my hopes brought you straight to my vision:
you appeared standing to what seemed to be an alley,
as you called my name
as you were wearing a blue-knitted jacket
and a delicate smile, an ecstasy of me being alive.

I was making my way towards you and it was so magical –
I didn't want to end that night, no, not just yet.
All these people were a heap of dust in my peripherals,
rendering their own musical shows
with songs being fast-forwarded
because it's time for the program
to say goodbye -I don't care – I was near you
and I was excited to ask, "How was your travel?"

If I were given by the universe this one chance
to be happy,
I would skip all these commercials
and just sit on my couch remembering the poem I wrote for you,
the envelope to where it was then slipped in your fingers
the tremendous impulses as I look into your eyes
the crimson red hue on your cheeks
of overflowing sunset of gold – I showered.

Your soft fingers touched my shoulder,
Though I was feeling petrified, I should not blink.
I should not miss every single episode of this.
No commercial break,
no commercial break – for the first time,
I was enjoying the program
it was just we were in there.
Then I heard you said yes –
The rest of what was next won't be compared
to all descriptive words, this language could offer.

I would like to be in that moment again,
I am willing my whole life to be shattered again just to push that replay button
I would spend sleepless nights just to be happy again
I would keep thinking that I am deserving to be that happy
even though you are not here anymore
even though you are just part of these memories.
I could be in love with the memories
as long as people are capable of loving
as long as this body decomposes
and what will remain is the desire for happiness,
until the fondest kills me,
Why can I just be happy, all over again?