A War Worth Fighting |DISCONTINUED|

Chapter 14: Obligation or Dependence?

   2367 words.

   Killua foolishly figured the morning would be like any other. He writhed to find Gon's sultry body amidst crinkled bed sheets and groaning in disappointment when he couldn't immediately satisfy his yearning, so he squints open his eyes, blinking uncontrollably at the scorching light emitting from a neighboring window. He continues his search. Blink, blink, blink. No Gon. Instead, he's welcomed with the bed made on the druid's side of the bed. "Idiot," he mumbles, though this time, it's directed to himself.

   Killua jumped out of bed a moment too fast. A sharp pang shot through his head, causing him to wobble and grasp a nearby object for stability. He picks up a paper dangling from the nightstand he grabbed a hold of. 'Feverfew helps headaches, so I thought I'd get some for Killua at the palace garden.'

   The mage rolls his eyes fondly, later deciding he feels gross. His mind instinctively recollects the cause. Oh. Blushing furiously, he thinks, Gon came inside, but why? Gon's never done that before..?

   He walks to the nearby bathroom, slipping off his only piece of thin clothing. He undid the silver clasp of the Zoldyck pendant his family gifted him, and the cloak slid off his shoulders and fell into a crinkled puddle on the pristine, tile flooring. The mirror, wide and covering an entire wall, reflected an image Killua either hated or adored depending on the circumstance. Sometimes, he could only focus on the blemishing scars mangling his once-normal skin, yet Killua doesn't think he'll ever remember it being 'normal.' As he traces them with the pads of his fingers, he'll think of the tragedy following. The circular scar that resembled a blast on his lower abdomen: his assassination of Daika Kurta-- who put up a troublesome fight. The many scars on his arms: the electric room filled with numerous whips that lashed his skin whenever not performing optimally during an assassination mission. And lastly, the puncturing scar, two inches tall and around a foot wide, stained across his waist-- a permanent reminder of his last encounter with Chrollo Lucilfer. But then he'll notice the bites dappled across his skin like freckles. The most noticeable ones were on his upper neck, a dark hickey right under his jawline and beneath his ear. Noticeable.

   'I want them to see,' he remembers Gon saying, steamy breath ghosting his neck before latching onto it with wet, chapped lips, sucking in earnest.

   Killua breaks out of his daze and turns the shower knobs. Hot water dribbled out, and the mage watched as the fog crept from the corners of the mirror and slowly blurs the reflection before him. He steps in, signing in relief as the pain in his head craves for the comfort of the warm water, and his eyes latch on the white ceiling above, letting the liquid trail from his Adam's apple down to the rest of his body. There, Killua attempts to organize his thoughts, tasks, and feelings.

   A particular thought, one he had never fabricated before, competed to the surface of his mind and consumed all attention. Killua's eyes narrow, saddened. Would Gon be bothered that the mage will never be able to carry Gon's children? Sure, it's considerably difficult for an elven woman to conceive, but it's not like Gon is the type to be against cross-breeding. And yes, Killua and Gon have very similar physical characteristics, but the archmage—as other northerners— have a smaller frame than forest elves, who seemed nothing less than a force of nature.

   The concept of having children never threatened to cross Killua's mind before for the reason being: he's not normal. Bringing a child into his life seemed... immoral. He raised Alluka in many ways, but the concept of complete free will was taken away at her birth— for being a Zoldyck, whereas most children come into this planet with an unblemished name.

   Killua wonders if Gon ever thought about the same thing. He doubts it, and that's not the only thing he doubts. He also questions Gon's goal, or if he really has one. It seems uncharacteristic of the druid to give up completely on his yearning for battle, and he knows Gon enjoys the thrill of a life or death situation. But Killua keeps questioning, why does Gon stay by my side? And how long will I be able to stay with him? Even an eternity seemed too little.