Mutual Butterflies

always

Chapter 16

Dad's Birthday

Today's his Dad's Birthday, or at least was. Now he doesn't even know what it means. He doesn't even know what he's supposed to do. It's not like he can go pay him a visit, bring him a cake and a present and sing 'Happy Birthday' to him. He's dead, what would be the point?

Everything's been going to shit ever since, and Kurt doesn't quite know what he has to live for anymore. He left Lima, twice, and he left him behind, twice, for what?

It's not like life has been a dream ever since. He lost his job, at least the one he was actually enjoying alongside one of his biggest idols. He lost his friends, even if it was mostly his fault. He's about to loose the opportunity to get a real and respectable degree, because of all his whining and moping around. So what? What is he supposed to do?

His appartement feels cold, and empty and he wished he had someone that could wrap their arms around him and gather all the pieces and make it all better. But he can't, because he pushed away all the people that could have been and would have been doing that a long time ago. And he has nobody to blame but himself.

Even Rachel has stopped calling.

She's got her life, she's got her fiancé, she's got a lot more important things to care about and Kurt can't even be mad at that. 

He lost touch with everyone and now he's alone in his empty living room bawling his eyes out because he can't face the consequences of his own actions.

There is ruffling in the kitchen and Fitzgerald pokes his head from behind the wall with questioning eyes gazing in Kurt's direction. He fills his cat's bowl and checks the clock. It's pretty late in the afternoon and his stomach reminds him that he also needs to eat something. He hadn't realized he had been staring into emptiness for that long and he can almost hear his Dad's voice lecture him about his eating habits.

'You need to get out of here bud', go and get some air, it'll do you good' and normally he would ignore it and start preparing something because cooking usually calms him down, but he forgot to go grocery shopping and he spent all of last night scrubbing the floors and cleaning every possible surface, so he doesn't really have any excuse for not going out.

He figures a good coffee would brighten his mood, and he sits down at an empty table facing the front window and gets lost in his own thoughts.

You're so pathetic, your Dad's been gone for months... You didn't even go back to Lima to check on Carol and Finn since the funeral and you think you have the right to just cry? 

You did this to yourself.

This is all your fault. How could you?

You abandoned him... You're the worst son-

His phone lights up revealing yet another voicemail, and honestly he's not in the mood for anyone's grief right now. He already erased Carol's and Finn's voicemails this morning and he doesn't know if he could take it anymore, but Chandler's name fills the screen and Kurt's stomach sinks. This can't be good news, he missed work today, and he knows that Chandler's not calling to check up on him.

Their boss had made it clear since the first day, that Kurt was not welcome in the office. And maybe he thinks they took pity on him and gave him a job just so that he had some kind of income, and maybe Isabelle was too nice to fire him, but it was clear that John Starling didn't think the same.

"I just came into the office and Starling is FURIOUS... he says he can't keep working like that, that he may be thinking of downsizing and I know you guys don't get along well but if you keep missing days at the office..."