Hope For The Hopeless (Severus Snape x Reader)

A Shower Of Confusion

5 am and you’d already woken a few times in the night. In an irritable state, you decided to give up on sleep and take a walk around the grounds before breakfast. It was a fresh morning, a slight chill in the air but nothing your robe didn’t subdue. Breathing in deep lungfuls of air you took in the beauty of the sunrise. You felt lucky to be here, over the years there had been moments where seeing another sunrise wasn’t a promise. Some hadn’t been as lucky as you. Without really being cognizant of it, you had begun to rub at your stomach,  gently reminding yourself why you were here and why you couldn’t mess it up. If you lost Hogwarts, you weren’t sure where you would go. A heavy tear streaked down your cheek.

A deep voice cleared itself behind you and you quickly wiped your eyes. You turned round to see Hagrid holding two cups of tea. “Couldn't help but see ye out my window. Thought ye might like somethin' warm?” He smiled and passed you the tea.

In Hagrid’s hand, it had looked like an average-sized cup but you couldn’t get your hands to meet as you cradled it. That’s a lot of tea, you thought.

“Everythin' alright?” he asked as he sat down next to you.

“Couldn’t sleep," you replied quietly. 

“Ahh. Nerves?”

“No. At least I don’t think that’s it.” You didn’t want to lie but you didn’t want to get into a serious conversation either.

He smiled, “Good, ye’ve nothin’ to be nervous about.” He patted your shoulder which nearly sent your cup flying out of your hand. “Thought Professor Snape may have spooked ye, Minerva said ye wer in a meetin’ last night.”

You chuckled, “What, that old softy?” Your voice dripped with sarcasm but you straightened up with seriousness, “I think we might actually become friends though if I’m honest, Hagrid.”

His eyebrows shot up.

“Oh come on, he’s not that bad. Trust me, I used to work for the Ministry remember? I’ve had much grumpier bosses.” You admitted. 

Hagrid laughed, probably thinking you were making it up but you really had. It’s what made you so thick-skinned.

The conversation with Hagrid was a welcomed surprise, he’d managed to interrupt and do away with the thoughts of your past. You told him of your plans to go into Hogsmeade that afternoon to get a few things for your room and he was off to help Dumbledore with something after breakfast. You didn’t ask specifics, you knew all too well that Hogwarts had its secrets. Whispers of such were always going around the Ministry but you largely ignored it.

After parting ways with Hagrid, you were in need of a shower to warm up, so headed back to your room. The hot water stung your goosebumped skin but you soon acclimatised and let the water envelope you. Lack of sleep had made your muscles feel tense and the beginning of a headache was forming in the base of your head, but the water was helping. You washed your body, skimming over the tingling sensitive skin of your stomach. There was nothing to show for your pain, no scar lay etched into your skin but it's not like you needed one to remember.

Your hands slid between your legs and the tingle under your fingers was a different sort. Maybe it would help with the tension? Letting your fingers linger, you leaned your other hand on the wall to steady yourself and began delving deeper, setting a steady rhythm of circles; your breath hitched and you heard your own moan echo along the shower walls.

Head lulling forward and working your way to release, your mind wandered; it would usually go to a familiar scenario in these moments. Today, however, the figure in your imagination, the one pressed up against your back, kissing your neck was Severus. You pulled your hand away immediately and groaned in frustration.