Don't Let Me Go (Jemily)

Chapter 4:

AN: This story is going to contain triggering topics that might be sensitive to some readers. These topics include references about drinking, smoking, suicide, body dysmorphia, rape/non-con, psychological abuse and physical abuse. If any of these topics are triggering to you I would advise not reading this story. 

"You may forget with who you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept" - Arabic Proverb

The stormy and cold morning woke the blonde up as a stream of rolling thunders shook the whole apartment. She sat up dazed and confused as to where she was. She looked around remembering the events of the previous night. Careful not to wake the brunette who was only sleeping mere inches away, she got up looking around for her phone to check the time.

5:36 AM.

Daylight was beginning to creep into the stormy clouds giving the sky an ominous aesthetic. JJ looked back at the older woman who was sleeping peacefully with a blanket draped over her lower body and light snores coming from between the now two swollen lips she accumulated. JJ felt horrible about the condition of the other woman's face, but knew Emily would insinuate that it was nothing. She smiled to herself. How can someone be so perfect even when they're sleeping?

She returned her attention to her phone when she felt a slight vibrate and looked down to read the message that flashed across the screen.

"We need to talk"

Her emotion didn't falter as she slid the phone back in her pocket, deciding that talking with Will wasn't at the forefront of her To Do list. That message was one of many that would go ignored and out of mind, as the rest had in the past few days.

Folding the blankets Emily had seemingly placed over her at some point during the night, JJ tried to ignore the fear the crept into her mind about returning to the hotel to get ready for work. She grabbed both the water glasses, bringing them to the kitchen and dumping out the remains. As she searched her pockets making sure the car keys were still in there, she looked around for a piece of paper and pen. She opened the drawers, still careful not to be too loud, until she found the contents she was looking for.

Proud of her discovery, she picked up the pad of paper and was confused when an envelope slipped out of the middle and fell to the ground. Picking it up, she intended on putting it back in the drawer not wanting to invade the other woman's private life until she saw the name it was addressed to, scribed in black cursive lettering.

Jennifer

Because there was no stamp or even address on the envelope, it looked like Emily had wanted to hand deliver it, but just never got around to it. Inside felt like no more than a piece of paper, and the envelope was never sealed. Curiosity getting the better of her, she slipped out the paper from its inclosure.

It wrote:

My dearest, Jennifer, I cannot thank you enough for the knowledge and wisdom you have bestowed upon me within the past years. The day I met you, it was as though time stood still. From then on you have overwhelmed my heart and soul with your affection, elegance and passionate fire.

JJ felt a light blush rise on her cheeks because of the compliments and continued reading,

Our job is to catch the monsters, the villains... the demons. I have come to realize that these are not inherently characteristics of just the"bad guys". The hatred and fear that bottled up inside me after each case completely ceased after Doyle. It felt as though I was just going through the motions. The team... our team needed someone they could rely on, someone who could differentiate the feeling of loss and life. You probably won't ever understand why I did this, but I want you to know it was never your fault and there was nothing in the world you could possibly do. Everyday felt like I was drowning, with no breath of fresh air in sight until finally, I was just sinking. I tried everything and I didn't want the demons to win, but I'm just so tired. The erosion of everything I ever was, has dwindled into nothingness. I'm so sorry Jennifer. I loved you so much more than you will ever understand. Goodbye my love.