He Doesn't Remember Me

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I just stand there silently, gazing at him because I don't know what he expects me to do.

I don't want to think about the painful past and I thought he doesn't either, that's why he had never brought it up.

My walls go up again after hearing his words and I took a step back too.

I had told myself that I'll not let his past mistakes come in between our future but it still hurts to recall the way he behaved.

And I want to forgive him. The words are just at the tip of my tongue but I want answers too - why did he push me away? Does everything was meaningless to him? And of course, why did he kiss me that night?

It's okay, he's just saying 'sorry'. No need to freak out.

"I don't even have an excuse for the way I treated you. You were trying to help me and I just kept pushing you away." He said gruffly.

Yes, thank you for giving me a detailed description of your cruelty.

He starts explaining when I didn't reply. "The night at the party was a blur for me and I didn't remember much about it at first-" I cut him off this time.

"You don't remember me from that night?" I asked sharply.

Am I that forgettable?

Wow. You just keep making it worse, Zack.

"I said - I didn't remember you. Not - I don't remember you." I let out a frustrated groan after hearing this.

If I want to get confused, I can watch inception.

"Keep it simple, Zack," I said at last.

He closed his eyes and release a deep sigh.

"I fought with my dad that night before coming to the party, so I just wanted to forget all the things for a while. I got drunk and smoked some stuff - I don't know what it was but the next thing I recall is waking up at the front porch of my house in the morning." He ducked his head in shame.

Well, it means he also doesn't know about the kiss.

My first kiss was with a person who doesn't even know that it happened.

Bravo.

But I stayed quiet and allowed him to complete his side of the story.

"Over the last two years, I get the pieces of that night in the form of dreams. First I thought that they were just dreams but when that girl gives me a turtle charm that's when it all fell into place." He let out. "And the night at the ice cream parlour cleared the blurred face too. It was you, I remember now." He said and then took a hesitant step towards me.

"When the next day you came to me and asked if 'I'm okay', I didn't know what you were talking about back then but I should have asked. I should have let you in.... and I'm sorry for acting like a dick." I flinched when his fingers brushed against mine.

He looks hurt by my response but I want some space right this moment.

"And why did you push me away?" I asked and took another step back.

He started after an extended silence. "I was in a dark place back then. I was depressed, angry and I had a lot of misbeliefs. I thought if I tell you the truth or let my guard down, it'll make me weak. I didn't want to be weak but I realise after my father's death that in reality, pushing everyone away is what makes someone weak." He said gruffly and then rubbed his face with both of his hands. "Maybe that's the reason I was adamant to keep our first meeting a secret. I didn't want everyone to know that I have a heart too." The night he saved me.