27 years| Reddie

Is this therapy?

TW- mentions of suicide, slurs and homophobia

The reception of the therapist office was cozy. Eddie didn't feel like he was in a place deemed a medical centre. He felt quite relaxed. Richie sat beside him, scrolling through Facebook on his phone. Eddie just sits silently. Nervously. On the car ride here, Richie had reassured Eddie that Greg was nice and not judgmental. He said things in a harsh way sometimes but it was the only way to get through to you.

"Edward James Kaspbrak?" Comes the voice of a man. Eddie looks at Richie, a bit panicky. Richie just smiles a warm smile.

"Would you like me to go in with you?" He asks and Eddie wants him to. He wants the natural comfort that comes with Richie. But he also feels like he has to be brave enough to do this by himself.

"No. I think I can handle it." Eddie replies, standing up. Richie smiles as he watches Eddie get up.

"You're braver than you think." He says and Eddie smiles, his chest feeling warm and his stomach twisting with love.

"Thank, Rich." He chuckles and Richie winks, going back to his phone to occupy himself. Eddie grins and then makes his way over to Greg, following him into the office.

Greg's a few inches taller than Eddie, with fluffy blonde hair, brown eyes, circular glasses and a kind smile. He's wearing a professional looking suit and carrying a notepad as they enter the office. The office looks as relaxed as the waiting room. With three big arm chairs, a desk and big dark oak bookshelves. Eddie sits down on one of the chairs and Greg sits opposite him. 

"It's nice to meet you." Greg says, shaking Eddie's hand.

"You too." He says with a small, nervous smile. Was Greg attractive? Definitely. Richie Tozier attractive? Absolutely not.

"So, we are here today to discuss some things. My client Richie told me he believes you're dealing with severe internalised homophobia, do you agree?" Greg begins and Eddie hesitantly nods." Do you know what that is, Edward?"

"I think I do." Eddie replies, his palms going sweaty.

"Okay, well here's some signs of internalised homophobia, try and see if it sounds like something you're doing: You were just recently told by a friend to "deal with your internalized homophobia."" Greg begins and Eddie nods, thinking back to what Richie had said."  You force your partner to stay in the closet with you."

"No...I-I married a heterosexual woman." Eddie replies and Greg nods, writing it down in his notepad.

"You feel contempt or disgust towards LGBTQ people who don't "blend in."" Greg says and Eddie shrugs. He isn't sure if he's done that before." You can't come out, even in safe communities and settings."

"Yes." Eddie says and he can feel tears building.

"You've tried to change your sexual orientation through conversion therapy, prayer, or medical treatment." Greg says.

"Not really but...I married a woman? Does that count?" Eddie asks and Greg just silently writes in his notepad.

"You cannot have emotionally intimate or romantic relationships, even though you desire it." Greg states, glancing up at Eddie, who nods." You think about committing suicide because of your sexuality."

Eddie sits silently and Greg notices his shift in mood. Then Eddie nods slowly, trying his hardest not to cry. Greg nods and writes in his notepad.

"We don't have to go into that today, if you don't want to." He says and Eddie sniffs back tears, nodding." Do you have trouble with intimacy?"

"Yeah...I-I'm a...virgin." Eddie admits and Greg nods, writing once more." I've only ever had...hand jobs from a man at work and I...I've only given half a...