Astrophile [J.P]

Chapter 58

~ When it gets cold and it feels like the end,

There's no place to go, you know, I won't give in. ~

***

Sirius felt as if he had made a mistake.

He had just returned to Magnolia Crescent from Godric Hollow, where the task of Secret Keeper for the Potters had been shifted from him to Peter instead.

It had been initially his idea because he knew Voldemort would come after him first as he was inarguably James's closest friend. Therefore, he had asked to switch the post to Peter because the latter was a less suspicious target and in that way, James and Lily could be safe.

But now that the Fidelius Charm had been performed on Peter instead of his own self, he felt as if he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

He didn't know the reason to the terrible dread growing in his heart but his instincts were warning him that nothing was as it seemed and something was going to go terribly askew for all of them.

Even though his intention was to keep James and Lily safe, at the moment he felt as if he had placed them in even more danger. The reason to that feeling, however, was still unknown to him.

He collapsed on the couch, quite visibly exhausted and rested his head back, eyes falling shut. He didn't notice when Remus came and sat down beside him. 

Remus placed his hand on his forehead to ascertain whether he was okay or not and at the gentle touch, Sirius looked up to gaze into his soft yet concerned amber eyes. "Sirius, you okay?"

"Tired," he mumbled, letting Rem check him for any injuries but there were none.

"Where are you coming from?"

His reply was vague though not untrue entirely, "Order mission."

"You didn't tell me about it."

"Forgot..."

Remus didn't probe further, knowing that he was exhausted and needed to rest instead of being showered with questions.

"I know you probably want to go to sleep but I can't let you starve yourself," Remus tried to stand up and go to the kitchen to bring something for him to eat, but his hand closed on his wrist, stopping him as he pulled him closer. 

He held his face in between his palms, grey eyes looking at him entreatingly, "Rem, I love you, I always have. But you do know that when it comes to my own life, I would lay it down for James in a heartbeat. You do know that, right?"

He leaned forward, connecting their lips together softly, "I know. You are a brother to him before you're my lover. And that devotion you have towards James and towards your missions is what I admire most about you."

It seemed as if Sirius was still in conflict as he held his hand tightly, "but don't ever forsake me, Remus. Please... I won't be able to bear that."

And though Sirius had to keep the change of secret keeper to himself only, he felt that by not telling Remus, he was risking the trust he had in him. He felt that by not telling him, he was risking his own relationship with the boy he could never live without.

"Why are you thinking like that? Of course I am never going to forsake you," he spoke in a soft tone, thumbs gliding soothingly over his callous palms, "still not going to tell me what happened?"

For a second, Sirius felt that he should tell him the truth. He felt that he should tell him then and there that he was no longer the Potters' secret keeper and that post had been assigned to Peter instead.