Astrophile [J.P]

Chapter 38

"I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight."

***

Hogwarts had been engulfed in the festive spirit for Christmas Break with the whole school decorated in red and green. Most of the students had left for home but still a considerable number of students were staying.

The Marauders were all leaving since James's parents had invited them all for dinner at Christmas Eve. So obviously Felicity and Sirius had to accompany as well. By now, Fel had realized that Sirius must have told his friends about their relation so she had stopped trying to hide anything from them.

It was decided that they would go directly to James's house and spend the Christmas Eve as well as the day after over there. Then Felicity and Sirius had to go to the Latvia's abode while the rest of the friends were supposed to retreat to their own homes respectively.

The Christmas dinner was a blast with most of their friends turning up at the Potter's abode. And after a very long time, Felicity felt at ease with her friends surrounding her, letting herself forget about all the pain by taking in the delight they spread around.

James's parents were extremely nice to her as well and she enjoyed her time with the Potter family just as much as she had done so at Christmas. Though she couldn't help but think about last year's Christmas Eve, the thought of which struck deeper when she and Sirius left the Potter's abode.

Throughout the bus ride to Fairmile lane, she kept silent thinking about what Sirius had said to her regarding her mother. And she knew that he had been right. She was indirectly punishing her mother for something that wasn't her fault by staying away from her.

"Come on, Fel," Sirius's voice shook her from her thoughts and she stood up, grabbing her bag as the two got off the bus. A signboard was set on their right indicating Fairmile lane and she knew it was just a short walk to house number 43 from that spot.

The much familiar house loomed in front of them and she stopped as if something had rooted her feet to the ground. Sirius climbed the steps and rang the doorbell, turning towards her with a look on his face that encouraged her to join him as well.

Reluctantly, she climbed the steps and stood beside him. Shortly afterwards the door opened revealing Esther. She seemed extremely worn out and Felicity was shocked for she had never seen her mother like that before.

However, soon as Esther's eyes fell upon her daughter, a sigh of relief escaped her as she rushed forward, engulfing her in her arms. Tears poured down her cheeks as she held Felicity close, as if scared that she would vanish if she let go. "Fel, my dear child... I'm so so glad to see you."

Felicity's voice stuck in her throat, guilt stabbing her hard as she hugged her back, finding an unfathomable comfort in her embrace. When the two pulled apart, Sirius greeted, "Merry Christmas!"

Esther still held on to Felicity's arms but a radiant smile spread on her face upon seeing Sirius as well, "Sirius, this is the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. Come in, dear, come in."

She led them both inside and Felicity dropped her bag at the foot of the staircase as an old habit, following her mother to the kitchen. Sirius stayed in the living room, in an attempt to give both mother and daughter some time to themselves.

As Felicity entered, she saw that Esther had set the tea to boil on the stove, busying herself in arranging the Christmas cakes she used to make each year in a dish. 

"Mum," she spoke up at last with an odd sort of feeling in her throat, indicating that she was most probably going to cry, "I'm sorry."

Esther turned around, her eyes widening in alarm as she gently took her hands in her own, "what for? Ah, sweetie, don't cry."

She wiped her tears away, gently stroking her head as Felicity cried silently, "I'm so so sorry."

Felicity hated crying, it made her feel weak but at that moment, she couldn't bring herself to react in any other way. Tears streaked down her face ceaselessly as her mother tried her best to console her.

"I should not have left you alone like this," she resumed in a broken tone, "I should have realized that Father mattered just as much to you as he did to me. But I distanced myself and now look, Mum, you've grown so weak. And it's all my fault."

Esther turned off the stove knowing that the tea would get spoiled as she couldn't pay much attention to it in the current situation. "I know you didn't distance yourself because of Alphard. You did it because you didn't want to trouble Stefan."

Her reply took her by surprise for she hadn't thought her mother would know that.

"I am your mother, honey, of course I know that," she answered as if replying to her unasked question, "and it's not your fault. It is nobody's fault that things are this way."

"But I didn't want you to be so weakened," Felicity mumbled, her lip quivering from all the tears he was holding back inside, "I don't know if you can see that, but you look very ill to me. I'm scared that you are sick."

Her dark irises looked straight in her blue ones with a soft, comforting expression. "This is not sickness, this is just the side effect of being an adult. You are growing up into a beautiful young woman and I'm growing old. That is quite expected."

However, her frail health only struck fear inside Felicity for she could recall how Alphard had weakened a lot as well and then his weakness had eventually taken his life. "Father became just as weak because he couldn't be with his family and now you too..." 

She left the sentence deliberately incomplete, knowing that her message had been delivered clearly.

Yet Esther shook her head, handing her the tray in which she had set the cakes, "both of you are tired from the journey here. Why don't we have some tea first and talk about this later?"

"But Mum..."

"I'm fine, honey," she smiled reassuringly, "and now that you are here with me, I feel better than I ever have in ages."

Though a terrible feeling had settled in Felicity's heart, fearing that her mother was again keeping a secret from her just so she wouldn't get worried. And seeing Esther's frail figure and hollow eyes, she felt even dreadful because she knew Alphard had been no different back when she had first seen him.

After Alphard's death, she couldn't bear to lose anyone closer to her and especially not her mother.

***