Flabberwocky

12 - Trials And Tribulations

Annette Sealent might sound like something you'd buy in a DIY superstore, but it was in fact the name of the headmistress at Notchwood combined. As hard as she tried to turn things around, the school's departmental exam results continued to score well below the national average. All apart from History that is, and that was purely down to Mr Planchette's enthusiasm for his subject. The high grades achieved by his students allowed him more freedom to teach in alternative ways. He would regularly ask pupils to dress as roundheads or romans and take part in wooden sword fights around the desks. Once he recreated a viking burial by setting fire to a stationary cupboard as it floated in the school swimming pool. However, what boosted Mr Planchette's reputation ten fold was when, to the great surprise of his year eight students, he dressed up as a victim of the bubonic plague. At intervals during the lesson he would trigger one of the five big boils on his face to explode, sending rivers of yellow pus dripping off of his chin.

Lawrence and Barry's class were currently learning about World War Two. Earlier in the week they'd coloured and cut out black squares to use as stick on moustaches, and today they had been asked to bring in a comb. Mr Planchette had been into town and brought back bags of brown uniform jackets he'd borrowed from the local supermarket. He passed them to Kathy Bayliss and Denise Hartnell, instructing them to glue rectangles of matching brown card over the Superbuys logos. The rest of the class were put into pairs, and with their combs at the ready, tasked with giving their partner a side parting. For Barry and Lawrence this was quite easy, but poor Lottie Frances really struggled with Wardell Curtis's rather unruly afro. The jackets were handed out, and though the girls did complain a little, everyone then applied their moustaches. It was quite a surprise for Mrs Sealant when she walked in to find a class full of mini Hitlers all practising their nazi salutes. She asked Mr Planchette politely to pop into the corridor for a chat. A few moments later she came smiling back into the room to talk to Brygida, which everyone thought was odd as she only spoke Polish. Mrs Sealant prized off Brygida's card moustache, then held her hand and led her out into the corridor and down towards her office. Mr Planchette dutifully followed behind them. Lawrence felt a nudge on the arm from Barry, "too right," he whispered, "her moustache was rubbish, who heard of a dark blue moustache?" Lawrence remembered the time when Barry chewed his biro down to its middle during Geography and gave himself one, but before he could remind him the dinner bell rang. Everyone hurriedly peeled off their moustaches and began rubbing their hair back to normality. In a matter of moments everyone had grabbed their belongings and headed off to the dinner hall. When Mr Planchette returned ten minutes later it looked like the class had been vaporised, just a brown jacket remaining in each seat.

Lawrence would always look longingly at Barry's hot meal while he munched through his cold packed lunch. His Mum said she made him sandwiches because they couldn't afford to pay for school dinners, yet Barry always seemed to get them for free. Once he'd asked Barry why he didn't have to pay, and he said his Mum did a direct debit. Lawrence wasn't sure what that was but assumed it meant the school paid for them. It made him wonder why his Mum couldn't get him a direct debit too.

"Can I swap my yoggee pop for one of your fish wobblers?" he asked. "No way Loz, a fish wobbler is worth at least two yoggee pops, and a cheese straggler." Lawrence frowned into his open lunch box, "I've only got one yoggee pop, and I was hoping to save the cheese straggler for home time, how about this peach?" Barry laughed so hard at his suggestion he nearly choked on his baked beans, "you crack me up Loz, nobody is ever going to trade a peach for a fish wobbler!" Lawrence took a moment to gently hold the fruit in his hand, trying to tempt his friend by rubbing his thumb along its side, "apparently the skin of a peach is so soft and smooth it feels exactly the same as a girls face, boys throughout the ages have used them to practice their kissing on." Barry hesitated for a second before gripping his fish wobbler between his knife and fork, lifting it from his plate and dropping it into Lawrence's lunch box, "hand it over then."