Abuse To Triumph

Chapter One:The Struggle

Back when I was growing up I never was exposed to anyone or anything  having to do with a person being  homeless or that life. I would see your occasional  homeless person who was walking the streets day in and day out. I never knew their struggles let alone that the person may in fact be homeless. I always would end up, like everyone else,walking usually right by the person not giving it a second thought. Little did I know then that I myself would in later years have  more than just a bad taste in my mouth lingering as far as being homeless was concerned. My younger years was always in turmoil of some sort. My home life was not the greatest with me at times over the years referring to it as world war three. It seemed that all the bickering and arguing done between the three of us (myself,my mom and little brother) was non-stop to say the least. I was back then on the verge of losing my family as well as my mother. Last but not least I was on the verge of losing myself. I had no way of knowing that little tid bit for certainty. At an early age I started doing just that. I started losing my self esteem first and foremost. I really took a hit when my self esteem  went careening downhill precariously. It had the nerve to start right off by taking these swerves and turns down a road that I did not recognize at my young age of 8 or 9 nine years of age. The turmoil at home was not enough either to sink me. At school I always had to deal with the kids who got their rocks off by teasing,taunting,etc. me. It was relentless as well that it seemed had no end in sight. They school kids would go around  calling me things like sloth,one eyed willy,etc. My self esteem kept taking hit after hit Knocking it down notch by notch to where it was literally non existent. My teeth were the first to start going on me from an early age. I stopped brushing them with my mom trying to do what she could to get me to brush them. In refusing to brush them little did I know the sort of pain and stress that would come to me by  not brushing them  which would bring in later years a tremendous amount of pain. My self esteem had definitely taken a hit for the worse. I just did not care or rather just let myself go back then in so many ways.  It was somewhere in the early part of the year ( i was never one to keep track of days or weeks or even months. Let alone years. ) of about the 80's. I was a old kid on the sense that i was old enough to know better.  Yet i was young enough to still have all my childish ways about me.  It was quite possibly a sunny day as well out.  I had not had the chance this day to wander off around people for me to be be able to come around any of the bad people yet. It was a day that like many others would eventually be plagued by those bad people taking advantage of me in some sort of way. The day was still just starting to take place and happen. By now i had quit school altogether being that my dad had passed away with me thinking that it would be better for me to be there for him as he sat dying within my arms upon his bed. Truth be known that if my dad actually knew that i had dropped totally out of school to be there for him on his death bed then he would have taken a belt too my ass as he whipped it all the way to the school yard. My dad believed very strongly in my little brother and i getting a decent education. He was pretty strict on with that. So,as i went about my morning waking up or trying to at least i had reserved myself to my room. I did not even come close to having any type of normal meeting (of sorts) with myself alone within my personal space of my room. My room growing up had become (especially at night when it all was ever so quiet) my place that for one was a safe place for me to be away from all the torture i was going through on account of how my home life and being at school with the mean spirited by people who tended to take the road of picking,teasing and being down right awful kids that i am sure had parents raising them that had no qualms with how badly they were raising their kids or even care how bad of parents they were towards their child.  My mom was nothing of a good parent.  In fact she was a wonderful parent to be honest. She was so great with it that she would learn along the way of her being a single woman that did not know the first thing about being a parent though she did do her best at it with what she had to work with for the moment. She was definitely a trooper and survivor in my book. Even after knowing that i had become a hard,difficult child to deal with. I would always rationalize to myself that the reasons for me becoming a hard,difficult child to deal with was the direct result of me being mistreated by the bad people. The people that did not see anything wrong with how they had treated me. It was those types of people that i really wanted to get away from hiding off somewhere safe from them completely.  This morning i had just gone through had started off the day with me not doing the daily things that a person would normally do to wake themselves up (splashing water on the face,etc. ). I would not do those things in the mornings that would give me a boost to my confidence or self esteem. I usually would jump in for a quick shower getting out and calling things good. No combing my hair into a nice sort of style. No brushing my teeth in order to keep them fresh and clean. No breath mints to pop into my mouth to make my breath feel and smell fresher. Well you get the idea i am certain.  In my early years from when i was seven up until around the age of what i am now these bad people tried in various ways to take my innocence along with anything else they felt they could rob and steal from a kid so young. That's life though I suppose right? I was thrust almost immediately into an already adult world at a very young age that I knew nothing about. I was young and it seemed to my child like mind that I was invincible. Good God was I ever wrong.