Abuse To Triumph

Chapter Four:God and weed

I grew up i suppose you can say in the church. My mother tried giving myself and my little brother some stability as well as something positive in our lives. I took to it though my little brother did not. I had always thought of God and weed as being two universal things in life even from an early age. I started smoking herb when I was in my mid teens. Back then weed was off in the shadows. I would usually get it off of a friend who would have some extra they ended up giving to me. It was all a happy life altering experience for myself that to this day I will not forget. Everytime I was in church with the doors flown open for the down trodden or rather for the ones who never could walk the walk I would be higher than a kite. Being stoned and going to church opened my mind to a whole other experience with God. I found that being in the presence of God as well as being stoned was my way out of the crappy life I had been given to live. The preacher seemed to make more sense to me. The congregation with all the congregants seemed to become something of a failed mission to become perfect. I had finally seen people and life for the first time in ways that others had not. All the bad people outside the church walls as well did not bother me any at all now. I felt as though I had some sort of super power to be able to see people for who and what they truly were or could become. God helped my spiritual being while weed helped my mind to open a crack to where I was becoming more open minded concerning life and people. Now it was time for myself to find a way physically to keep myself safe from all those bad people. I had finally found a place where I felt and knew I had belonged. If only that were really true. The bad people blew my "buzz" when they infiltrated the church I was going to at the time. The bad people had me come live with them for a summer when myself and mom were not getting along. During that summer this bad guy had started grooming me. He at first would let me watch R rated movies of which my own mother would not even let me watch at the age I was. The weed as well as God was being tested by these bad people. My high was quickly being blown time and time again in the church. It was a struggle to say the least. I only had my faith in God as well as my love for weed to live with. This "bad guy" came along at my weakest point turning things around on me. None the less I still kept my love for weed and God. I felt helpless,vunerable,weak and alone at my tender age of 14 years of age living with this creep and his family. He was married with a few kids on their hands. In the trailer they lived in I found that it was just awful living there with this evil predator. He would eventually come to ask if I wanted a nude body massage. During the day he was a guy who built houses for a living to moonlighting as a sexual predator the rest of the time. My mother ended up yanking me out of the place in the end. Before that had come about this bad guy kept his secret safe from his family and whom ever else he had thought would find him out. After being taken out of that home and going back to my own home I had left the state for a while to regroup and clear my head. After coming back from being out of state I had read in the local newspaper that this fuck had been messing with (no doubt when I lived with him and his family) his youngest son. Traumatized the kid so bad that the kid does not remember a single, awful, terrible thing that his dad had done to him. The kid was traumatized to say the least. His dad mean while to evade law enforcement had skipped out of town to Florida where he met and lived with his gay lover. The authorities down there had raided the trailer that these two sick fucks lived in finding all sorts of pornographic shit. The guy went in at around fourty or so years of age of which he will not see the light of day or be able to hurt anyone else ever again. Weed stayed my love where as going to church had faded with the imperfectness of man and all the evil he could pull off...even right before god's own eyes watching. The preacher no longer made any sense to myself anymore.