CELLOPHANE- Ginny Weasley

chapter four: and all I loved, I loved alone.

Danica waits in her bathtub for at least two hours before daring to move. The thing that finally manages to move her, is the sound of her phone buzzing incessantly. Drying herself off quickly, she looks at the caller ID, knowing before she checked it that she would not be answering. 

Mom and Dad are calling...

reads the small window of her cellphone, and Danica panics. Normally, when Danica has panic attacks, it's like a wave crashing upon a rocky shore. First, there is the calm before the storm. Then, the buildup, the water rushing towards her, and finally the crashing of the water against the rocks, in which she ends up being swallowed, pulled under by the tide and taken out to sea. She can feel herself going numb, she can't feel her fingers anymore, and then she can't feel anything anymore. Her fingers slide over her phone, fingers tracing over the buttons until she accidentally clicks the answer button. 

"Danica?" She can hear her parents call to her. "Are you there?" She doesn't answer.

"Danica, please respond to us. We want to talk to you." Silence. 

"We can hear you breathing Danica! Answer us right this second, or.."

"Or what?" Danica's reply is snappy and full of pain. "Or what exactly? Or you'll not reach out to me or try to call me months after my fucking twin just died! Or you'll fucking ignore me, because you and I both know it was the wrong twin that died. We both know it, everyone knows it and I'm the only one who's brave enough to tell the fucking truth. I. Am. The. Problem. I'm the fucked up sister who was never able to make friends as easily, who had difficulty keeping jobs, the one who always needed her brother. Well I'm sorry okay?! I'm fucking sorry that Thomas died and I didn't and I spend every day wishing it were me instead of him. I'm fucking sick of this. Sick of everything. And I'm so tired. So, so tired. I haven't slept in months, you know? Oh, you wouldn't. So goddamn tired and sick. Fuck...." Danica trails off, tears starting to roll. Her parents are quiet for a moment, and she sits with bated breath waiting for a verbal assault of a lifetime. Instead, all she hears is the quiet sobs of her mother.

"Baby," her mother says in between sobs. "Baby, no, we don't blame you. We don't blame you at all, Danica. We.... I love you more than words could ever say. I'm your mother, you know that I'm always here for you. No matter what. I just... I guess the reason we didn't call was because we thought you wanted your space. That was a mistake, that much is clear. I am so sorry Danica. Please, what can I do baby? What do you need?"

There is a big moment of quiet, and then Danica manages to get the words out in a soft, quiet voice, her parents almost hadn't heard her.

"Can you come and hold me?"

Her mother sighs. "Of course I can, my love."

...

Danica's mother, Jeanette, was a beautiful woman. She had thick, curly, dark brown hair that she loved to braid or put in a bun. Her curls still always managed to spill out somehow, a few curls framing her face. Her eyebrows were dark, just like her hair and she had short stubby eyelashes. She had soft cheekbones, and a soft jawline, and full lips that she loved to cover with red lipstick. She was always smiling. It was something Danica loved about her mother, the way that her lips pulled up, showing her small dimples and round cheeks. Her eyes would crinkle softly, and her face would light up with this beautiful light Danica had only ever seen on her mother. She thought it might be because she had never seen anyone as happy as her mother. 

Now, Jeanette only looked tired. If it was possible, her skin looked almost grey. Her bright eyes and red lips were gone, instead replaced with dark bags under her eyes and possibly a few more wrinkles than the last time she had seen her. She looked like a mother who had lost her child. It hurts Danica more than she thought it would, to see her strong mother like this. To see her visibly wilting, fading, dying without the light of Thomas to bring her back to life. Danica had only ever drained her. 

Her father held her mother up, and while Anders Finch might have always been a stoic man, he had only ever been gentle with her and her mother. Danica could remember a time when her father would lift her up by her armpits and twirl her in the air until she was breathless with laughter. His strong arms would falter for a moment and he would pretend to drop her, and she would let out a squeal every time, but he never did allow her to touch the ground. Anders had always been there, never letting his family fall to the ground. At least, until Danica thought they hated her and she stopped answering her calls and the knocks at her apartment door. 

Now, here they all stood, in Danica's mess of a kitchen, looking around at the empty cabinets and garbage that littered her living space. She could tell her mother wanted to sweep, dust, do anything to clean her little nest. If she asked, Danica would probably accept. 

"Danica...." Anders starts. Danica looks up at him hesitantly. "What happened, nappula ?" (button)

"I... I- I see him wherever I go." Danica whispered. 

Anders and Jeanette look at each other softly, each heart breaking a little for their only child left in the world.

"Baby, come here. Please." Jeanette says, her arms wide open. Danica steps into them, her arms grasping at her mother tightly, fearing that if she let go she might disappear into thin air. Feeling how thin her daughter is, Jeanette lets out a sob. Danica digs her fingers into her mother, desperate to absorb some of her sadness. They clutch each other, anguished and reeling, as if they can feel the pain of the loss in the same way, as if Danica knows what it is like to lose a child, as if Jeanette knows what it is like to lose the good part of your soul. It is a moment so vulnerable, like a wound being rubbed with salt. They lose their footing and end up on the floor, limbs tangled and tears mixing to combine a special concoction of misery. 

Anders drops to his knees and circles his arms to enfold his girls, to protect them from anything that may come to harm them. Danica sobs harder as her mother whispers soft, comforting words into her ear. 

He doesn't know that the things that poison Danica come from the inside, not the outside. Still, her mother's words ring in her ears.

It's okay, I love you. I've got you, baby. I love you so much. I'm here now. I'll take care of you.

note: Her nickname is Icelandic ok😭 don't come for me it means button I thought it was cute

also peep Danica's insecurities affecting her relationships because her perception of them is messed up which basically is kinda just showing that Danica isn't always a totally reliable narrator and showing how messed up she really is 😏 but don't worry y'all we'll get some more ginny content soon