CELLOPHANE- Ginny Weasley

chapter six: it's rotten work.

It takes Danica a week before she uses the card that Ginny gave her for the therapist. She had seen Ginny a couple of times again during the week, and each time she could feel the questioning in her eyes when she would subtly hint at the card that hung on Danica's fridge, pinned up with a magnet of a small green plant (a gift from Thomas). Danica had finally mustered up the courage, and so she sits in her bathtub, clutching the phone to her chest, looking at the number and double checking that it was, in fact, the right number. She hits call before she can regret it, and presses the phone to her ear. It takes two rings before she can hear someone on the other side of the line saying "Hello, this is Dr. Verne, how may I help you?"

Danica's breath hitches. "Um.. my name is Danica, Danica Finch. Ginny Weasley gave me your number."

"Oh, yes, Ginny told me about that. Said I should be expecting to hear from you. Would you like to make an appointment? My hours are pretty open, except for Mondays and Fridays. When are you free?" Dr. Verne has a very strong voice, deep and yet soft and elegant. Danica pictures her as some beautiful, young professional woman. 

"I can do Tuesday? 2 o'clock?" Danica throws out a random date and time, like a drunk man trying to play darts while blindfolded. 

"Sure!" Danica hits bullseye. "Do you have the address, or would you like me to give it to you?"

"I have a pen and paper ready."

"Okay, so it's on Sawyer Street, building number 109. Ring the button next to the door that says Verne and I'll let you on in."

"Thank you, Dr. Verne."

"Please, call me Lila."

Danica hangs up the phone and places it precariously on the floor next to the bath. The water soothes her gently, the scalding water sending heaps of steam up into the air, creating a smoky atmosphere in the small space. 

Danica takes a few deep breaths, closing her eyes and thinking about what this meant. Danica was incredibly nervous. She wanted to call the doctor back, tell her never mind. Tell her that she was perfectly okay, and didn't need any help because she wasn't a fucking crazy person. She wasn't insane, she wasn't a babbling lunatic that belonged in a straight jacket. Deep down, however, Danica she knew it was for the best. Her thoughts went wild, thinking about how she had felt like she was on the cusp of death for so long, that taking care of herself was no longer a priority nor a need. 

But then she thinks of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley, and her flaming locks of hair. Ginny, and her eyes that remind Danica of what it must feel like to drown in the ocean. Ginny, and her softly freckled face, and her soft pink lips tattered with small teeth marks because she was constantly biting her lips. Ginny, Ginny, Ginny. For the first time in a long time, Danica doesn't think of Thomas when she's in her bath, she thinks of Ginny. And boy, does it feel good. She can't help but think of what it would feel like to hold her, invite her to come to her apartment one day, maybe one that wasn't so filled with death and grieving. One that didn't have Thomas imprinted into it, because he truly was everywhere.

Danica imagined what it would be like to cook for her, because before she had fallen down the rabbit-hole she had actually been quite good. Give her a recipe, it tastes and looks ten times better than the picture would, her mother used to say, really Danica, you have such talent... The cooking wasn't just because she was good at it, though. Danica did it because it was the only time her brain went quiet. Only when she would focus in on a recipe, music playing from a speaker, would Danica find her mind dead silent. Her brain would empty all thoughts, good and bad, empty down the drain until all she could focus on was the measurements, the lyrics, the beat, the cracking, whisking, chopping, mincing, soothing. 

Danica had not touched a stove, microwave, oven, in god only knows how long, but all she knows is that she wants to make something for Ginny. Something that would make her blue eyes shine with contentment, light up as she looked at Danica, her pretty red lips wrapped around a fork or spoon, her other hand holding Danica's. She wanted to see the look of surprise when she realized Danica wasn't all jagged, imperfect edges. She wanted Ginny to realize she had smooth parts too. Things that hadn't been ruined by her brain. 

Danica thinks back to the Chinese restaurant. 

You're not a burden to me. Never you. Never you. 

She can't help but wonder if maybe Ginny feels a connection, like she does. If she feels so strongly about her, thinks about her when she isn't around. She thinks it might be one-sided, because Danica knows that people like her are often hard to love. She knew it was difficult to care about a person who didn't even really care about themselves, but she really hoped that Ginny felt at least a fraction of what she felt for her. The pure, unadulterated bliss that entered her mind when she thought of Ginny, the way that she chased the demons away without even trying, leaving Danica to wonder how she had survived for so long without her, and the worry of what she would do now if she really did end up having to. She felt panic bubble in her chest, clawing it's way up her throat, her breaths coming in soft pants. She whispers quietly to herself, rocking on the floor.

It's okay. You're okay. It's okay. You're okay.

...

The next time Danica sees Ginny, it's right after her therapy appointment. They're sitting in Ginny's apartment, it's the first time Danica has come over. Ginny had done a deep clean before she came over, getting rid of anything potentially embarrassing, even though she knew Danica would be the last one to judge her. 

Danica had dropped by suddenly though, with little warning, so Ginny can spot some embarrassing childhood photos, and she can't remember if she left her vibrator on the nightstand or not? She decides not to worry about it. Instead, she obeys what Danica had asked of her and she holds her in her arms on her small second-hand sofa. Ginny's arms circle around Danica's waist as she leans her head into her chest, feeling Danica hold back small sobs. 

"I didn't think therapy would be that hard." Her voice is small, scared.

"It's okay, Danny. It was hard for me for the first time too. You're not alone." Danica trembles, her whole body shows her struggle. 

"What do you want to do? Do you want to listen to music? Play a game?" Ginny wants to distract her so desperately, but there's only one thing that Danica wants at the moment.

"Can you just hold me?" She asks in a small voice. Ginny squeezes her arms around Danica and rubs her back softly.

"Of course."

The silence between the two women is comfortable, nothing like the empty, awkward space of two strangers. Danica and Ginny were not strangers; and sometimes they both thought it felt like they never were. As if their souls had been cut from the same cloth, woven by the same string of fate that would bring them together after such tragedy. That was how Danica liked to see it. Their souls were always intwined, and they always would be. In the next life, and the next one after that. Danica and Ginny would be connected wherever they went, and that thought comforted Danica as she laid in Ginny's arms.

Once again, she repeats her words of comfort as she rocks softly in the arms of the only person Danica had ever loved. 

It's okay. You're okay. It's okay. You're okay.

and then, 

You're not a burden to me. Never you. Never you.

note: sorry the chapters are short but were almost done part one:( it's gonna be sad so prepare the tissues.