Cherishable | Yeonbin ✓

༉ 20 ∘

Chap 20 - " Away "

"This marriage was a business deal remember? I get it. So, you don't have to pretend like you care so much for me. We aren't like them, happily married. We are in not in love. So you can stop it."

Before he knew what he was doing, Soobin had marched forward to grasp his husband's arms. His hold was rough and it showed in the twinge of pain in Yeonjun's eyes.

"What brought this on?" he demanded, his suppressed frustration now surfacing to the top. "Did someone say something to you? Tell me! We were doing well, Yeonjun!"

Yeonjun chuckled, humorlessly. "Well? We were playing house Soobin, for your information we still are."

Those words stabbed right into his already fragile heart.

"W-What are you saying?" he managed. "That all those times.. none of it meant to you? None of it had deeper meaning to you?"

"I did those because they were my duties as your husband, Soobin."

"Cut the crap! You don't do anything out of duty!" He began to shake Yeonjun, willing him to just come out with the truth and mend his breaking heart. "Tell me what's really wrong!"

"Soobin--"

"Tell me, damn it!"

"Soobin, let go, you're hurting me!"

And he let go.

Yeonjun swayed as he took steps backwards.. away from Soobin.

Meanwhile, the older could only feel a myriad of hurt feelings and confusion take over his brain and reared its ugly head. He could only see red. 

For once he wanted to punch something. For once, he wanted to hurt something. He wanted to scream.

And for once he wanted to cry.

A sharp intake of breath from Yeonjun  brought him back to his senses and finally.... his vision cleared as he took in the image of his shaken husband.

He had tears flowing down his cheeks and an emotion, something akin to betrayal flickered in his eyes.

And when Soobin looked further down, he saw the damage caused by his own hands to his husband's arms - dark, purple marks were beginning to show on the delicate skin.

Another dose of cold water washed over him.

He did that. He caused the tears to fall from Yeonjun's beautiful eyes. He caused the brutal marks to Yeonjun's soft skin.

He was the cause of his husband's unhappiness. It had always been him. 

Yeonjun didn't want him. He had forced himself into the younger's life, forced his affectionson him.. when Yeonjun wanted to do nothing at all.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispered.

Without another word, he turned and walked out of the door.. and away from Yeonjun.

Sometimes, when you plant a seed and do everything you needed to do to water and nurture it, nothing happens.

Some seeds just don't grow. 

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"To be honest... my marriage... it wasn't at all what I expected."

"It never is."

"I.. I didn't expect it to be this hard."

A pause.

"Sometimes.. I wonder if it's better for Yeonjun if we just.. end it."

Yeonjun slowly opened his eyes, the remnants of the memory still fresh in his mind, even if several days had passed since then. He had gotten a sufficient amount of sleep and yet, he still felt sluggish, like there was a heavy weight in his shoulders, bringing him down to the ground.

He laid in bed for a few moments, allowing his vision to clear before rolling over. The other side was empty... as it always had been the last few days since their return from Gwangju.

Soobin had been getting up early the past couple of mornings to go to work and then coming back home late. Thus, it left Yeonjun with no opportunity to make his bento lunch nor to apologize for their argument.

He knew Soobin had been ordering takeout for lunch for every day. ANd every night, he was far too exhausted to have a proper conversation with Yeonjun and would just immediately go to bed.

Yeonjun knew that he was partly at fault; just that he didn't know how to go about it.

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hey cheesecakes! it's been some time :)

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