Unequivocally in love.

11.

DRACOS POV

she was all i thought about. and after this morning, she knew it. i knew this would happen. i knew i would get attached. i need to distance myself from her. it will hurt like hell but at least we will be safe. she and i needed to talk. she would have said all she needed to say this morning but me, being me, wouldn't hear it. i can tell she's confused by my sudden coldness. but i can't risk her dying because of me. and i would rather like to live as well.

i ran to the Astronomy tower and sat by the railing. i used to come up here in first year, when life wasn't so difficult. something in my mind begged her to come after me. but the reasonable part said no. i sighed, today really was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. blue, as far as the eye could see. my mind dove elsewhere for only a second, and then the memories came flooding back like never before. memories of my life as a young child, me when i was only 9. i used to run in the fields by myself, stopping every once and awhile to catch my breath.

i would come back hours later sweaty and hungry. mother would have my favorite meal ready for me at the dinner table. Dobby, the house elf would walk with me to my room. he was my only friend. him, and sometimes Aiden. i have known Aiden forever. he's my best friend, sort of like a brother. eventually, Aiden joined my runs every once and awhile. it was great.

and now, i don't run in fields, i don't laugh and talk as much. my brain has been trained to never show my feelings because i'm too afraid. my father and i are deatheaters, and now the girl i fall more in love with everyday, shares my burden. i grip the railing, tears flooding my eyes. my head dropped in defeat. Father wanted me to be like him, a loyal person to the Dark Lord. and i knew all about that stuff rom a very young age, i knew all about the Dark Lord. i didnt want to become one of his servers. but when Father told me about everything i would gain, i didnt pass the offer up.

i should have said no. i should have made her say no. and yet i didnt. i think about that everyday. i care for her a great deal. i shouldn't, she would probably be better off without me but i need her, she is the only thing that keeps me sane. yet, she doesn't need me like i need her.

KATIES POV

after he left i decided no tot go after him. he was angry at me for God knows what, and i was not in the mood for his rubbish. it was still breakfast time so i walked back to the great hall and sat down. "what's up with malfoy Kat?" Celeste asked. "who bloody knows." i huffed. i let my head rest on my hands which were propped up by my elbows. i zoned out thinking of all the possible scenarios in which Draco was mad at me. it was probably something stupid. he seemed to get mad over little things. bipolar ass. i will ask him about it in class. "what have you next Briar?" Blaise asked. "Transfiguration." she said with a warm smile.

"i do as well, want to walk with me?" he asks while reaching his elbow out to link it to hers. she nodded fiercely and linked her arm to his, they walked out together. Aidens face tensed up. i snorted. "Aiden, Aiden, Aiden. you know he's doing that only because you have not made a bloody first move!" i said. "i know i know, but i wish he wouldn't do it like that." he said somber. i laughed. "you and i have Potions, wanna walk together?" i asked with my elbow pointed out. "sure." he said linking our arms together. i giggle.

we made it to potions and unlinked arms to sit in our separate desk. Draco was already in our shared desk. i sit down and pull out my textbook. he looks at me like he wants to say something, but does not. instead, he looks the other way. i roll my eyes. if he wants to play this game, so can i. "you can't ignore me forever Draco." i say. it's like he doesn't even register that i said something. i scoff, whatever. as Snape started his lesson, i thought about anything i could do to get his attention. i started to intentionally touch my hand against his while making our potion.

"i know your doing that on purpose. quit." he whispers. i stop what i'm doing and turn to him. "and what if i don't?" i said as innocently as i could. "i will make you regret it." he said staring into my eyes. i smirk. finally.  "how so?" i ask. "don't fucking test me Johnson." he sneered.
"you did not answer my question." i argue. he stopped doing the potion completely. his cold eyes peered into mine. "i said, don't bloody test me. you don't want to fuck with me right now." he remonstrated. he turned back to his work and picked up where he left off. i continued my work with an indignant smirk.

after potion Draco turned his work in and left quickly. i did the same and caught up with him. "what do you want?" he said continuing walking. "what is up with you? you hav even acting strangely since the morning? did i do something?" i ask. he didnt acknowledge me at all. i was fuming. i grabbed his shoulders and forcefully pushed him against the wall. "you don't get to ignore me!" i yelled. he seemed shocked by my sudden movement. he sighed. "you did not do anything." he said. "then what is it?" i ask.

his faced softened a little. " i can't be around you anymore than i have to." he said. my eyebrows furrowed. "what do you mean?" i ask. "I just mean, i like you a lot but-" he trailed off. "but what?"i ask. his face went cold. "you know i cant stand you." he said throwing my hands off him. i stumble back. "what are you saying?" i ask louder. "just leave me alone." he said and walked off. like i said, bipolar. i sigh. i cant get anywhere with him. i walk back to the common room. i wanted to be alone for a while. i had to do the cabinet tonight. Draco probably won't show. i cant focus on him right now, i have to focus on the tasks in hand. maybe he will open up later, but for right now, he seems like he needs space, and i was all for giving it to him.